


You and I

by chromaticmuse



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, He's worried about getting heartbroken again, Internalized Homophobia, Jacob and Sangyeon are in love, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Q is a mess when it comes to guys he likes, Q is shy, Scared of Feelings, Younghoon is shyer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-28 12:10:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14449014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chromaticmuse/pseuds/chromaticmuse
Summary: "His name's Kim Younghoon, he's a junior here, I'm surprised he has a class with you, he has three classes with me, he keeps to himself mostly, Sangyeon thought I use to have a crush on him before I confessed to Sangyeon, which then thankfully he confessed to me, but anyway, yeah." Jacob explained plainly, still picking at his grapes.Lifting his head up, his confused and angry expression showing, along with a pair of furrow brows, Changmin shoved Jacob once again."YOU KNEW HIS NAME AND DIDN'T TELL ME???"





	1. when i met you i flew (did you fly too?)

**Author's Note:**

> omg hi this is my first the boyz fic i've ever had the guts to actually post so i hope u all like it as much as i do, i'm still not entirely sure where i'm going with this but i know i like everything i've written so far so i hope u do too !!
> 
> also leave a comment if u want !! :D

"Staring at him from afar won't make him fall in love with you, y'know." A male's voice sounded from behind, causing the other, who was sitting at a table, all lonesome to turn around.

"Oh, shut up, Jacob, I'm not in love with him." The other male replied, giving his friend, Jacob, a slight shove before turning back to look at the person of his desires. "I just, I don't know, he's just..."

"He's just what, Changmin? The love of your life? The person you sit here and watch literally every day at the same time, during your free time when you should be resting?" Jacob replied, sitting on-top of the table looking down at his friend.

"Shut up, I'm not in love with him, Jacob!" Changmin exclaimed loudly, causing Jacob to jump slightly. "Listen, okay? He's just...he sits there every day, at that table, by himself, all the time, literally, I know cause this is about my tenth time sitting here watching him." Changmin began to explain, eyes fixated on the other male sitting a few tables away. "He never does anything, never sees anyone, he just sits there, and sometimes reads." Changmin finished, looking up to Jacob.

"So what I take from that is you're a stalker?" Jacob said with a laugh before nearly getting pushed off the table by Changmin.

"No, I sat here way before he ever did, he just caught my attention and he obtained my interests." The brunette attempted to explain himself.

"And then you started coming here day after day to watch him, do you even know the guy, dude?" Jacob questioned while reaching into his bag, pulling out a small box of grapes before opening them to pick one out to eat.

"I know he's in my psychology class, he sits in the middle row everyday and if he comes in later and someone has his seat he'll sit at the very end of that same row so he can get out the door before anyone else." Changmin answered honestly, looking at the grapes Jacob had before to taking a few of them, and munching on them slowly. "That's about it, I tried talking to him in class one time but he had his headphones in and didn't hear me, so I walked away." The younger male finished, before letting out a sigh. 

"So, you don't know much about him besides he shares your psychology class with you, and the one time you had the guts to talk to him you blew it cause you don't know how to get people's attention, and now you watch him daily?" Jacob asked, watching as Changmin nodded along, "and you're telling me you're not a stalker?" Jacob finished, adding another question.

"I don't have the confidence like, Jacob! I can't just go up to someone and be like 'oh hey, i like you let's hang out' and then BAM have a boyfriend!" Changmin snapped, slightly annoyed at Jacob's tone even though he making all the correct points.

"Hey, that's not how Sangyeon and I got together....I became his friend first then told him I liked him." Jacob corrected the brunette, turning to look at the guy Changmin was obviously head over heels for.

"Oh yeah, cause that's so much different." Changmin spoke sarcastically, looking back to the guy, the one he considered to be prettier than any flower. "I just want to talk to him, why am I such a flop at everything? I don't even know his God damn name." He finished with a heavy sigh, folding his arms on the table and burying his head in his arms.

"His name's Kim Younghoon, he's a junior here, I'm surprised he has a class with you, he has three classes with me, he keeps to himself mostly, Sangyeon thought I use to have a crush on him before I confessed to Sangyeon, which then thankfully he confessed to me, but anyway, yeah." Jacob explained plainly, still picking at his grapes.

Lifting his head up, his confused and angry expression showing, along with a pair of furrow brows, Changmin shoved Jacob once again.

"YOU KNEW HIS NAME AND DIDN'T TELL ME???"

"Woah, dude, chill, this is the first time I've seen it was him you were talking about, how was I suppose to know?" Jacob defended himself, rubbing his thigh that had now hurt from Changmin shoving him twice.

"You can hook us up, Jacob, you can tell me everything you know about him, introduce me to him, and then we can be together!!" Changmin started off excitingly, bouncing a little in his seat. "Please Jacob!!! You have to do this, please!! I'll owe you big time please!!" Changmin was practically begging grabbing onto Jacob's arm.

"Changmin!" The older male exclaimed, yanking his arm back. "I barely know him! We've only talked a few times, plus I don't even know if he's into guys, so I don't want you getting your hopes-"

"He's coming this way!"

"He's wha-Huh?" Jacob asked after being cut off by Changmin, turning to look behind him only to see that, sure enough, Younghoon was coming their way.

"Act natural! Be cool, okay? We don't want him knowing we were talking about him!" Changmin said in a loud whisper, hitting Jacob while doing so.

"Stop hitting me, stop!" Jacob snapped, slapping Changmin once before standing from the table and turning around, only to notice Younghoon was on the other side of the table.

Almost like it was a movie or some book, everyone was quiet, Changmin doing his best not to avoid making eye contact with Younghoon, even though his gaze kept making his way to Younghoon's face.

As if the odds weren't in his favor, right when Changmin went to steal a glance at Younghoon's pretty features, his eyes met with his, thus locking and securing eye contact between the two.

If Changmin's head hadn't been spinning and had he been more focused he could've sworn he saw a small smile break out on Younghoon's features seconds before he broke the gaze, and looked to Jacob.

"I-, uh, I'm sorry. Jacob, right?" Younghoon spoke, now making eye contact with Jacob, almost as if Changmin didn't even exist anymore.

"Yeah, you're Younghoon, right? We have a few classes together, I think?" Jacob replied, a bright smile, as always, spread across his face while speaking. Changmin was always jealous over the confidence Jacob displayed at any given time.

"Yeah! Uh, sorry to bother, but Sangyeon told me you had the notes from the lecture from Monday? Our Literature class? I was out that day, and uh, I need a set of notes to copy," Younghoon began, stopping here and there as if to gather his thoughts, "I, uh, I had asked Sangyeon, since he's always nice and what not, but he told me he slept through it and got notes from you." Younghoon finished, clearing his throat after speaking prior to looking over to Changmin quickly, catching his eye before returning his gaze to Jacob.

"Yeah, I have them-" Jacob said, turning to his bag before cutting himself off, "actually, uh...I have them, but they're at my dorm, where I was reviewing them. You can come by later and pick them up? Building A, room number 315," Jacob explained, bright smile on my face before turning to Changmin, "Changmin here is my roommate, so if I'm not there he can give you the notes, I'll leave them just in case." The male finished, zipping up the part of his bag he had opened.

At the mention of Changmin's name, Younghoon yet again allowed his gaze to avert to Changmin, who was toying with his fingers, he looked nervous, almost.

Once Jacob had finished speaking, both Younghoon and Changmin spoke at the exact same time.

"And why wouldn't you be there??"

Shocked by the simultaneous questioning, Jacob jumped a bit before clearing his throat, obviously needed a minute to think of why he wouldn't be at his dorms during a day he doesn't have any classes.

"Uhhhh, cause I have a thing to do with Sangyeon, he's taking me to some cafe in town, said it would be my favorite, or something, I don't remember," Jacob spoke quickly, looking to both Younghoon and Changmin.

"You never told me about tha-" Changmin began, but was cut off.

"Just come to my dorm around five-ish, I should be back by then!" Jacob continued, a bright smile across his face, Changmin always thought Jacob's smile was so cute and endearing.

"O-Oh, okay!" Younghoon finally spoke, nodding his head once before walking off, only to stop and turn back around, "I'll see you then, it was nice meeting you, Changmin." He finished before turning back and walking away.

"He said my name, I, Jacob! He said my name!!" Changmin spoke excitingly, jumping up from his seat and grasping Jacob's shoulder, shaking the older male a bit. "Jacob!!! He knows I exist!!" Changmin continued, obviously way to excited to even process the obvious lie Jacob told Younghoon.

"Yes, yes, I-, Stop shaking me, I know." Jacob replied, laughing a bit at his friends overexcitedness. "He knows you exist and you'll be hanging out with him this afternoon." He finished with a scheming smirk across his face.

"W-Wait..." Changmin said before coming to a realization, as if it all hit him at once. "No! Jacob! You can't do this, I know what you're doing and I won't let it happen! You're gonna be there to hand him the not-"

"Shhhh!" Jacob exclaimed, cutting him off mid-rant. "Do you want to get closer to him or do you wanna just stalk him during your free periods??" He questioned, raising a brow.

"I..." Changmin began, but stopped, ultimately knowing that if he wanted to get any closer to Younghoon, this would be the easiest chance, the only problem was was that he was not the best with talking to people he finds attractive, face to face anyway.

"You know I wanna get closer to him, Jacob, but you also know how I am with guys. You saw how I was with Chanhee!! It was a mess." He explained, groaning before reaching to the table for his bag.

"A mess? You never even confessed to him, for all we know he could've liked you back." Jacob added, mimicking Changmin and grabbing his bad as well seconds before yanking on his arm, "C'mon, we have a little over an hour to clean our messy ass dorm before you're future husband arrives!!" Jacob continued, voice going high pitched so the other knew he was joking. 

Although Changmin was well aware of the joke, he couldn't help but allow his face to heat up into an obvious blush. 

"See! You're blushing, this'll be great for you, but c'mon, we really gotta go clean, dude." Jacob stated, tone serious towards the end of his remark. 

"Right, yeah, uh, let's get going." Changmin said, nodding several times before picking up a quick walking pace, both of them en route to the dorms.


	2. this was an accident (not the kind was sirens sound)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "God looks like we're both awkward messes, huh." Younghoon joked, causing Changmin to laugh before agreeing. Each time Younghoon laughed it was like Changmin fell more and more for him. 
> 
> God this wasn't going to end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter woo!!!!!!! i hope it's as good as the first as it's a little bit longer and more stuff happens djfdjj !! each chapter title is in reference to something that happens in the chapters, do feel free to ask if you don't know !! also i hope you enjoy !! thanks for reading !!

After spending a little over thirty minutes trying to clean their dorm, Changmin stood in the middle of the room, looking around to make sure everything was in it's correct place, and that there was zero sign that just twenty minutes ago their floor was covered with clothes, clean and dirty.

  
"Dude, it's fine, trust me, Younghoon isn't gonna call out something out of place, especially when it's not his room." Jacob spoke, laying on his bed, phone held above his head, steadily texting away. "He's really polite, I promise, I just knew if we didn't clean you'd freak out like you're doing now, so obviously my plan didn't go like I wanted it to." He continued, before clearing his throat and sitting up. "Welp, I gotta go, cause someone has a boy coming over." Jacob joked, standing up from the bed, making his way to the door before toeing on his shoes.

  
"No!! Wait, don't leave yet, I'm nervous, what if he finds it weird that it's just me??" Changmin asked, following Jacob and grabbing his arm, bouncing on his tip toes lightly. "What if he says he'll come back later?? This could go wrong in so many ways!" Changmin furthered, the pitch in his voice getting higher and higher.

  
"Changmin!" Jacob yelled, startling the younger male, causing him to back up slightly. "Dude, please, your nervousness is making me anxious." He continued, sighing and shaking his head.

  
"You like him, yeah? So of course you're gonna be nervous. Just, it's gonna be fine, yeah? Imagine how I was before Sangyeon and I got together. Each time he was around I was a literal train wreck, I'm surprised I didn't scare him off, really..." Jacob explained his words trailing off. "Anyway, when he gets here, there aren't gonna be notes, so be nice, and calm, then tell him that I had to go get them, that I left them at Sangyeon's dorm. He'll stay, and y'all will talk and BAM friendship formed." His finished, giving a reassuring smile before nodding once, opening the dorm door.

  
"But-"

  
"No buts! Have fun, but not too much fun!" Jacob spoke with a laugh before closing the door behind him, leaving a very anxious and very scared Changmin behind it.

 

  
Changmin hardly fell for people, but when he did, God, did he fall hard.

  
The year before, Changmin was hung up on his and Jacob's mutual friend Chanhee. Jacob was so sure Changmin would never be able to utter a word to him, and when he did, he spoke too much at one time, and it had pushed Chanhee away, thus practically crushing Changmin's soft, loving heart.

  
But as usual, with time, things got better, Changmin wasn't shattered into a million pieces each time he'd see Chanhee, and after even more time, their friendship formed back once again, this time both parties on the same page of keeping it at that. A friendship.

  
So when Changmin found himself falling hard and fast for another person it scared him. He knew he could only take so much heartbreak before eventually dying, literally, of a broken heart. But, God, why did Younghoon have to be so charming?? Changmin hadn't spoken, literally, a single word to him up until that very day but yet Changmin's infatuation grew more and more as time went on and God, was he falling fast.

  
Suddenly, three knocks on his dorm door pulled him from his thoughts and he immediately began to panic, more so than before.

  
Everything in him told him to not answer the door, to pretend he wasn't even there, but Changmin knew that this would be a terrible first impression if he ignored Younghoon.

  
Fanning his face with his hands, worried that any nervous sweat had broke out on his face, the brunette rushed to the mirror next to the door to make sure his hair was presentable, not wanting a single strand out of place prior to making his way to the door.

  
_Breathe in._

  
_Breathe out._

  
_You're gonna be fine._

  
Those were the only words that Changmin ran through his head as he turned the doorknob and opened his dorm door, a very, very, pretty Younghoon, in a completely different change of clothes.

  
Fuck I should've changed, too. Changmin thought to himself, before realizing he had to actually speak to Younghoon.

  
Clearing his throat and doing his best not to faint right at the exact moment, Changmin put a wide smile on.

  
"Hi, sorry, I had my headphones in, didn't hear you knocking." Changmin spoke, his voice cracking a little, no doubt that blush had probably found it's way onto his cheeks. "You weren't waiting long, right?" He continued, backing up and opening the door a bit more, offering Younghoon entry to the dorm.

  
"I..." Younghoon started, coughing a bit before reaching to scratch the back of his neck. "I, uh, not that long, no, just like two or so minutes." He finally replied, a laugh following his words, a laugh that warm Changmin's heart in the best way possible.

  
"Ahh, well I'm glad you didn't wait that long." The younger male nodded before continuing, "would you like to come in? Jacob isn't here...I can look for his notes, but his desk is such a mess who knows if I'll find them."

  
"It's fine, I can just wait til he gets back." Younghoon stated quickly, causing both of Changmin's brows to raise, as the other male hasn't been that forward before. "I mean," He began again, taking a step back out of the door frame, back out into the hall, "if that's okay with you...I, uh, I can go and come back when Jacob's her-"

  
"No!" Changmin quickly exclaimed, not wanting Younghoon to leave, knowing this might be the only chance he gets to talk with him. It was then, after seeing Younghoon's shocked, probably frightened, expression that Changmin realized how loud he had been.

  
"I'm sorry, I just mean; no you don't have to leave, you won't be a bother to me. Plus, I think Jacob won't be gone all that long, he and Sangyeon don't really do much." Changmin replied, thanking God for giving him the ability to think on the spot. Truth was, Changmin had no idea when Jacob would return, he just knew he didn't want Younghoon to leave so soon.

  
"Oh, okay." Younghoon said, nodding along seconds before entering the dorm, closing the door behind him. "So, uh, sorry for the random, totally not cool at all introduction earlier today." The boy went on, looking down at the ground, not making any eye contact with Changmin in the slightest.

  
Changmin didn't know why, but it pulled at his heart a little. Everyone is awkward at first when they meet someone, it's nothing to be sorry for, especially when you're already such a shy person like Younghoon clearly was.

  
"You don't have to be sorry-" Changmin began with a bright smile, even though Younghoon wasn't looking at him, before getting cut off.

  
"No, I do, cause I probably made it seem like I was stand-offish and cold, I promise I'm not, really." Younghoon spoke, now looking up to Changmin, cheeks dusted just a bit with a pink tint.

  
"It's okay, really, haha. I'm bad at introductions too, when I first met Jacob I could hardly talk to him, he's made me way more sociable." The younger male replied, nodding his head, his smile still in tact on his expression.

  
A smile broke out on Younghoon's face momentarily, before he laughed. One could tell it was a one caused by nervousness, but it was still music to Changmin's ears.

  
"We could both try and look for it on his mess of a desk?" Changmin offered, changing the subject, looking over to Jacob's desk, which, God, it was scattered with all different types of papers and books.

  
"Yeah, sounds fun, we can do that." Younghoon said nodding along, making his way over to Jacob's desk, Changmin following close behind him. "Is he always this messy? It looks like a hurricane ripped through his entire course work." He continued, trying to make sense of the mess in front of him, picking through papers upon papers.

  
"I always tell him he'd do better if he was more organized, but he says just cause it looks like a mess to others, doesn't mean it's a mess to him." Changmin explained, opening up several books, seeing if any notes were placed within the sheets.

  
"I say the same thing, but it's about my dorm, usually, not everything I've ever worked on in my three years of college." Younghoon laughed, picking up a group of papers all stacked together. "Changmin this is from last year," Younghoon added, showing him the papers and sure enough the year labeled was 2017, "I know cause I took this exact class with him." He finished, a now confused look across his expression.

  
Changmin looked at other papers that had been scattered across the table, and more and more papers dated to last year or the year before were found. It was odd, Changmin knew Jacob often worked at his desk, so why would there be a bunch of papers from years before on the table? Unless...

  
_That bitch!_ Changmin thought to himself, halting all actions he was doing. He knew exactly what Jacob had done, he purposely made this mess so that way they wouldn't find the literature notes, just so Younghoon would have to stay until he got back.

  
"Maybe he's just really bad at cleaning up, God, there's so many old papers here." Younghoon stated, pulling Changmin from his thoughts, "I don't think we'll find anything here, what do you think?" Younghoon furthered, turning to look at Changmin, who was looking back at him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

  
The physical contact made Changmin jump slightly, not cause he was uncomfortable, but simply cause he wasn't expecting it in the slightest. He could feel the blush spreading across his features as each second went by.

  
The slight jump caused Younghoon to practically yank his hand back, gaze averting back to the desk as a light pink blush dusted it's way across Younghoon's features.

  
"S-Sorry, I didn't, I wasn't, I'm..." Younghoon stuttered, clearing his throat and doing his best to focus his attention on literally anything else other than the person standing next to him. "I didn't mean to make you, uh, uncomfortable or whatev-" He started up again, only to be cut off by Changmin.

  
"N-No, no!" He exclaimed, both hands raised up, "you didn't make me uncomfortable, don't worry, really it's fine, I was just lost in my thoughts and I was shocked a bit, haha." Changmin spoke, doing his best to make the other feel less like he had done something wrong. "It's all fine, I, uh, I promise, really." He finished, smile back on his features bright as ever, nodding along with his words.

  
"God looks like we're both awkward messes, huh." Younghoon joked, causing Changmin to laugh before agreeing. Each time Younghoon laughed it was like Changmin fell more and more for him.

  
_God_ this wasn't going to end well.

  
"I really don't know where his notes could be, he's....kind of a wild card, if you didn't already know." Changmin informed, turning away from the desk and looking around both sides of the room.

  
Had the notes even been in the room??

  
_Were there even any notes in the first place??_

  
Changmin was confused and really didn't want Younghoon to have to leave empty handed, in his mind it felt like it'd do him more harm than good, if anything.

  
Walking away from the desk, Changmin made his way to Jacob's bed, thinking that maybe it had been on or around the bed.

  
"Is his bag here?" Younghoon questioned, following behind Changmin, "Maybe it's in his bag and he just didn't know-" Younghoon continued before cutting himself off with a shout, one that shocked Changmin and caused him to turn around just in time to see Younghoon falling his way.

  
Both shocked and confused on what to do, Changmin just froze as Younghoon's body collided with his, causing them both to fall ontop of each other, onto Jacob's bed, their faces inches apart.

  
"I..." Younghoon stated, still in a state of shocked as he looked down to Changmin who was underneath him, his hands on either side of his head. "I didn't mean..." He continued, but trailed off once again. Younghoon was clearly blushing, anyone would in the scenario, but Changmin was blushing for an entirely different reason.

  
They just laid there, both shocked and clearly no idea on what too say. Changmin wanted to speak, but he was afraid if he did, he would speak what he was thinking. And what he was thinking was how beautiful Younghoon looked this up close, and how in love he felt in that very moment.

  
Just as Changmin was gonna (attempt) to speak up, the sound of the dorm door opening caused both his and Younghoon's head to turn towards the door, only to see Jacob walking in looking at his phone.

  
"Hey, I'm hom- OH GOD!" Jacob spoke before exclaiming once looking up from his phone to see the scene, covering his eyes Jacob backed up and began laughing. "God, I leave you guys alone for how long and this happens??" Jacob spoke, he was clearly joking, but the two, mainly Younghoon grew incredibly uncomfortable.

  
Standing up from the bed, Younghoon looked to Changmin once, a look of sadness, maybe, spread across his features before speaking.

  
"I gotta go, I'm sorry." He spoke, rushing passed a very confused Jacob, leaving a even more confused and saddened Changmin behind.

  
"Younghoon wait!" Changmin called after him, shooting up from the bed and rushing too the door, looking out only to see the older male running out of the dormitory.

  
Making his way back in the dorm, slamming the door behind him Changmin threw himself on his bed, placing his head in his hands. It was then that silence had filled the room.

  
Jacob had wanted to say something, but what was there to say? He clearly did something to set Younghoon off, and Changmin is clearly distressed over it.

  
"Dude, I was joking,I swea-" Jacob finally spoke up, taking a step towards Changmin.

  
"Please don't." Changmin spoke quietly and quickly, holding one hand up. "I just want to be left alone, okay? Please?" He pleaded, not bothering to look up to Jacob.

  
"O..Okay, yeah...I-Okay." Jacob spoke softly, making his way over to his bed, plopping down on it. "I'm...I'm here if you wanna talk, okay?" He spoke, offering support with his bright smile, even though Changmin wasn't looking to him at all.

  
"Yeah, thanks, I think...I think I'm gonna go on a walk? Maybe? Yeah, that seems like a good thing to do." Changmin spoke, standing up and clearing his throat, wiping his face on the sleeve of his shirt prior to grabbing his phone and headphones seconds before toeing his shoes on and making his way out the dorm, not bothering to speak another word to his friend.


	3. i'm holding on, so beware (i have a secrets i won't share)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Look, Younghoon, I-" Changmin began, eyes still fixated on the ground before being cut off, this time on accident by Younghoon. 
> 
> "I'm not gay." Younghoon muttered, almost so quietly that Changmin couldn't hear it. In fact, it took the younger male a minute to register what was said, and almost immediately his heart dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh sorry for the wait in between chapters !! this one's a bit longer so it took me longer to write djfjdjf !! i hope you're enjoying the fic so far i really like it so i hope you all do too !! leave a comment if you want or a kudos if you enjoyed i'll do my best to reply to anything i get sent sjfjdjf

All Changmin wanted was to be good enough for someone. No, not just someone, no not just someone at all. Changmin wanted to be good enough for _Younghoon_. He felt if he was anything less than perfect that he'd end up getting rejected and heartbroken in the end again.

  
Changmin wasn't even sure if Younghoon was into guys, he knew nothing about his personal life in the slightest. But, fuck, Changmin needed to be perfect so that way Younghoon would come to like him as well, which is why Changmin did his best to make sure every thing, conversation, and word was perfect. And, in his eyes, everything was going well right up until the bed incident.

  
Things could have continued to gone well, had they gotten out of the awkward space they had been, but Jacob of all people barged in and made the entire thing ten times worse.

  
He didn't entirely blame Jacob for it, but Changmin was sure had Jacob not barged in, Younghoon wouldn't have reacted the way he did, and that they would've just gotten up, apologized purfusely, then go about their day laughing about it.  
But then in walks Jacob and everything, literally falls apart.

  
Again, Changmin doesn't blame Jacob entirely. He couldn't have possibly known what was going on behind closed doors, literally. So Changmin decided that whenever he arrived back at the dorm that he'd apologize for how cold he was acting towards Jacob. Especially so cause Jacob was a literal angel, and would never do anything to cause harm to others.

  
Right now, however, Changmin was more or less an hour away, by foot, from his dorm. He never meant for it to happen, but when he goes on walks and just thinks, he ends up traveling way too far and ends up calling a cab or something back.

  
This time, however, was different. A lot was running through the brunette's mind, and he felt as if he could think about it more or less better by himself rather than in a car with a driver who'll most likely try and make conversation with him. So Changmin decided that he'd stop at this coffee shop, grab something, he wasn't sure, it was cold so he was considering a hot chocolate prior to making his way home.

  
After picking up his order and giving a sincere smile to the barista who had made and served him his hot chocolate, Changmin took a small sip of it and as the warmth of the drink spread through him, for a moment, he felt like everything was okay.  
That was however until he made his way to the exit of the building and bumped into someone, no, not just any someone.

  
"Younghoon...?" Changmin said quietly, almost as if he was questioning whether he really, somehow, ran into the very person he was thinking about at this exact cafe.

  
"I...Uh.." Younghoon replied, visibly gulping before looking around, the two were already earning stares from the others in the cafe, Changmin himself noticed but he didn't care. It was clear Younghoon did, however, as he turned and rushed out of the door, hardly giving it any time to fully open.

  
Following immediately behind Younghoon, Changmin's mind was, for a lack of better wording, racing. So many thoughts had crossed through his head, so many different scenarios on what he was planning to say to Younghoon, after apologizing for everything that had happened before. But yet the moment he was right in from of him, Changmin froze and did literally nothing.

  
So now, following behind him, in an attempt to catch up and not cause a scene as they were in public, Changmin had to think quickly on what exactly he was gonna say.

  
First off, he knew he was gonna apologize, hell, take the entire blame for everything if possible, he needed Younghoon to know that he was sorry for everything that happened. In reality it wasn't a big deal, but in Changmin's world, a world that revolved around doing the best to avoid heartbreak, it was at the highest level of importance.

  
It was that which most likely caused Changmin to breathy shout Younghoon's name, not only causing him to stop, but causing several different gazes around the two to be focused on them. The exact opposite of what both of them wanted had happened in a matter of three seconds.

  
Finally catching up to the older male, who was still stopped in the middle of the side walk, Changmin took a deep breath before speaking.

  
"Please, Younghoon, I'm sorry about earl-" He began, only to be cut off by the aforementioned male.

  
"Changmin, no, not here, please." Younghoon stated, turning to look at Changmin before looking around to the few people who were stopped and staring at them, as if they were some kind of side show.

  
"If not here, then where? Younghoon, look, I'm sorry, okay?" Changmin continued, still doing his best to catch his breath.

  
Groaning out of what Changmin assumed was annoyance, Younghoon looked around before reaching out to grab the brunette's arm. "Just follow me, okay? I know a place we can talk. Just please not here."

  
Changmin, shocked by Younghoon grabbing a hold of his arm, considering he was never this forward, just nodded along and followed Younghoon and he dragged him along down the sidewalk.

  
As before, Changmin's mind was spinning a million miles an hour and he wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings, the only thing he was focusing on was Younghoon, more specificially his hand that had slid further and further down his arm that was now held ever so loosely around his wrist.

  
Hold his hand, hold his hand, hold his hand. Were the only words running through his mind, he hadn't the slightest idea as to how Younghoon would even react. Would he even notice?? Was he even aware that his hand had slid so far down?? There was no way to tell as the older male kept quiet as he dragged Changmin along to wherever he was planning on going.

  
Eventually, the thoughts of holding Younghoon's hand left his mind as he became aware of his surroundings. They were now heading towards what looked to be a park, Changmin wasn't too sure as they were still a ways away from it, but Younghoon seemed dead set on going towards the park.

  
Why would he want to go to a park to talk about what happened?? Parks were very public places, or so Changmin thought, anyway, most parks are full of life, people of all ages playing on the swings, sliding down the slides, stuff like that. What would make this park any different?

  
"Younghoon? Not that I don't trust you, but what exactly are we doing-" Changmin spoke up as they were crossing the road, heading to the park in question, which, surprisingly, was completely empty, before being cut off.

  
"I come here to think." Younghoon stated plainly, now stopped in front of the entrance to the park, seconds before letting Changmin's wrist go. "I'm sorry, I thought I let go a while ago." Younghoon continued, turning back to look at Changmin.  
"It's...it's, uh, fine." Changmin spoke, doing his best to not seem as confused as he was. "Look, Younghoon, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" He furthered, only to get cut off again.

  
"In the park." Younghoon said, nodding in direction of the park, before walking off, en route to what Changmin assumed were the swings, he wasn't sure though as the park was indeed rather small.

  
Sighing, having a feeling nothing was gonna go how he wanted, all while thinking he'd not only leave this park with a broken heart, but one less friendship, Changmin shoved his hands in his pockets before walking his way into the park.

  
Once entering the park and walking a few feet, Changmin looked up in order to find Younghoon, only to see the older male happily swinging, a bright smile on his face, so very different to the expression he had moments ago.

  
_God_ , was Changmin in love with that smile. It was so bright, so full of life, so full of everything Changmin ever wanted, if that even made sense. Younghoon was like the perfect package in Changmin's eyes, he couldn't find a single flaw about the man, not including the fact that he cut him off a lot, but Changmin found that cute more than annoying.

  
Clearing his throat once approaching the swings, Changmin's smile on his face turned into a frown when Younghoon halted swinging, as well as putting a stop to the smile that was previously presented on his features.

  
Sighing once again, Changmin made his way over to the swing closest to Younghoon, lightly pushing himself back and forward as he tried to think of something to say. It was kinda funny, he thought, all the way here and all day today even Changmin thought of what exactly to say and how to say it. But now that they were both there in the same space, it's like every thought was wiped from his brain.

  
Silence itself is the easily one of the top things that Changmin disliked, when things were too silent he felt uneasy, as if something in the air itself was wrong. That's pretty much along the lines of how he felt now, like something was wrong. Immediately dread washed over the brunette, looking down to the ground as he played with the sand beneath him with his feet.

  
"Look, Younghoon, I-" Changmin began, eyes still fixated on the ground before being cut off, this time on accident by Younghoon.

  
"I'm not gay." Younghoon muttered, almost so quietly that Changmin couldn't hear it. In fact, it took the younger male a minute to register what was said, and almost immediately his heart dropped.

  
"I- What?" Changmin spoke in an obviously confused tone, brows furrowed together, now looking over at Younghoon. "What does it-"

  
"I'm not gay, okay? I know Jacob probably made you think I was, or something, but I'm not, okay?!" Younghoon said quickly, in a louder tone that caused Changmin to jump slightly.

  
"How could he make me think that? I-Younghoon, I don't understand. What's-" Changmin replied, gripped the swing's chains, this conversation was going downhill fast. They were suppose to be apologizing and making up right now, not having whatever conversation they were having.

  
"Jacob, he thought we were doing, well, y'know, something. And, I don't want you thinking that he was implying I was gay. Please don't stop being my friend cause of this, okay?? Please." Younghoon spoke, each word practically speeding out of his mouth. Changmin could tell he was nervous and clearly worried about him getting the wrong idea. "I'm not, I promise, please don't think I am and hate me for it." The older man furthered, voice breaking in the middle of his sentence.

  
And suddenly, a light switched on in Changmin's head, and everything made perfect sense.

  
Younghoon, not only was worried about Changmin thinking he was gay, but was also worried about Changmin no longer being his friend cause of rumors (that were never even made) of him being gay.

  
"Hey, hey," Changmin started, a bright smile on his face as he reached a hand across to place it on Younghoon's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, "Jacob didn't mean anything like that, nor did he say anything after you left, he's a literal angel." Changmin informed the other, nodding along with his words. "In fact, he knew he messed up by joking around and wanted to go apologize, but thought you needed time." Changmin finished doing his best to try and soothe an obviously distressed Younghoon.

  
"So...You're still gonna be my friend?" Younghoon questioned, looking up and over to Changmin, his eyes were watery. "You don't hate me cause...well..you think I'm gay?" He continued with his questioning, causing Changmin's heart to break, but for a different reason.

  
Younghoon was under the impression that if Changmin thought he was gay, he wouldn't want to be his friend anymore, that he'd find him disgusting and be completely grossed out by him, which wouldn't be the case at all cause, well, obvious reasons.

  
Now Changmin wasn't sure exactly how the next part of the conversation was going to go, but he was dead set on saying exactly what he was planning on saying.

  
"Younghoon," Changmin started, letting out a soft laugh, smile spread across his features, "it doesn't matter to me if you're gay or not, I'll still be your friend, nothing'll change that," He explained, doing his best to reassure the other, "Jacob's gay and I'm still his friend? He's literally dating Sangyeon-"

  
"I know, but I don't know, I'm technically a stranger to you." Younghoon admitted, looking now back to the ground, pushing the sand around with his shoes. "I don't know, I just, I don't know. I just didn't want you to think I was gay and freak out." He furthered, hands gripped at the chains on the swing. "I don't have many friends, I can't afford to lose anymore, y'know?" He questioned, gaze averting back to Changmin.

  
"Yeah, yeah I know, I get you." The younger male replied honestly, nodding his head. "But I promise, it doesn't matter whether you're gay or not, I'm still gonna be your friend." Changmin finished, rubbing his hand up and down Younghoon's back.

  
And yet again, silence filled the space around them. Yes, this time it was less dreadful silence and more so a 'what-do-we-do-now' silence, but still it was silence, and Changmin knew he had more to say.

  
"I..." He began, gaining Younghoon's attention once more, his pretty eyes fixated on his. No, he couldn't do it, not now, especially considering Changmin had more questions than answers at this point. "I...uh, just wanted to say that, again, I'm sorry for earlier, I'm sure this isn't how you pictured your day going, and I promise I'll get you those notes, even if I have to tear apart the room to find them." Changmin decided to say, pushing the previous thoughts of what to say to the back of his mind.

  
"Don't be sorry, I, uh, I overreacted. I should be the one sorry, by the way, I tripped and landed on you, not the other way around." Younghoon replied, his tone a bit sad, almost as if what Changmin had said wasn't what he had wanted to hear.

  
"Huh? No, no, don't be sorry, really, it was an accident. I'm sorry that Jacob barged in like he did, really." Changmin said, swinging himself a bit back and forth. "He jokes around a lot, but he never means to cause any kind of harm, if he knew about any of this he'd feel really bad, honestly. He's a good guy." Changmin explained, now gaining momentum in his swing.

  
"I know, but, I don't know. God, I'm stupid, I'm sorry." Younghoon laughed, looking up to the sky as he shook his head.

  
"You're not stupid, really, don't be so hard on yourself!" Changmin exclaimed happily, halting his swinging to reach over and pat Younghoon on the leg.

  
The younger of the two had planned on saying more, that was, however, until the loudest stomach growl being emitted from Younghoon's stomach startled him.

  
"I-" Changmin began, stopping himself from speaking as he was trying to hold in his laughter.

  
"Don't laugh! I'm hungry, I haven't ate much today!" Younghoon said, smile bright and present as ever on his expression as he playfully shoved Changmin.

  
"Had you gone to the cafe early to get something to eat?" Changmin questioned, after collecting himself of course.

  
"Uh...yes." Younghoon admitted, looking down to the ground, yet again, as he was reminded of earlier. "And I'm sorry about running away back then, I really should've acted more like the twenty-one year old I am." He apologized, something that was becoming common among the two.

  
"You know," Changmin started, standing up from the swing in one swift motion, looking down at the other, "we could sit here throwing apologies back and forth all day and night, or we could go get you something to eat, my drink has gotten way too cold to drink, so I need to stop by again anyway." He offered, deciding to test his boundaries by reaching his hand down to Younghoon, praying he'd take it.

  
A smile on his face and happiness in his eyes, Younghoon happily agreed before reaching out to take Changmin's hand, which caused the younger's heart to skip a beat, but only to help himself get up and off the swing, after which he left go and thanked him properly.

  
"We should probably call a cab, the cafe's at least twenty minutes by foot here." Younghoon brought up, taking out his phone. "And you obviously have walked all the way here from your dorm, so you've gotta be tired." He continued, tapping multiple times on his phone screen.

  
"Actually," Changmin started, pulling the other's attention from his phone. "I wouldn't mind walking as long as you don't? It's a nice day out, it'd be nice to enjoy the scenery." He explained, looking around at the trees and buildings surrounding him.

  
Truth be told, Changmin didn't care all that much about the trees or the building or anything that was Younghoon. All he wanted to do was spend as much time with the other as possible before they had to return to their separate dorms for the night.

  
"Yeah," Younghoon replied, nodding his head prior to locking his phone and putting it in his pocket, "yeah I'd like that, a lot, actually." He continued, a pink blush dusted over his cheeks after the fact.

  
Changmin had to pretend his heart didn't just skip one, if not several, beats. "G-Great." He spoke with a nod, a smile spread across his features, feeling his own cheeks heat up. "Lead the way?" He finished, before earning a nod from Younghoon.

  
"Of course." He stated plainly, before making his way towards the exit of the park.

  
Weirdly enough, in Changmin's mind, things turned out okay. Granted, he didn't get to do exactly what he planned to do, mainly cause he's a chicken and if Jacob were to ever find out he missed out on such an oppurtunity, he'd never hear the end of it.

  
But also, Changmin realized he was leaving with a lot of answers, but also more questions than he had came with:

  
Was Younghoon gay?

  
Did Younghoon even know he was gay?

  
By the way Younghoon was talking and acting, it's almost as if he had no clue that Changmin was gay, which was the confusing part as Changmin didn't do much to hide the face that he was indeed gay.

  
Sighing, the younger male decided he'd worry about another time, cause as of right then, he had what he's telling himself is a date. A "date" with Younghoon.

  
"Hopefully the first of many." Changmin spoke out quietly to himself, seconds before slow-jogging his way towards Younghoon.

  
"Hey, wait up!" He hollered, hearing Younghoon laugh ahead.

  
_God, was he in love with that laugh._


	4. right now it's clear to see (i'm where i want to be)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laughing softly, Younghoon smiled, one wider than ever. "You're blushing again," He spoke, reaching his hand across the table to brush his thumb across Changmin's pink dusted cheeks, which of course made Changmin's blush turn a deeper shade followed by his heart skipping a beat. "It's cute," He continued, pulling his arm back, "I asked if you just meant us two or Jacob too, in regards to hanging out again like this." He finished, picking his drink up from the table, taking a sip from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg im sorry for the long wait dhfjdhfh i've been Through it lately and yeah i'm sorry :(( but this chapter is longer than the last !!! (i think) and it's rly cute i love it lots so i hope you do too !!

"No! I'm serious, really, Spongebob is still really funny to me!! Don't laugh!" Changmin said in between his own lasts, lightly pushing Younghoon as they walked along the sidewalk. "It's timeless! What's not to love about him??" The male questioned, eyes wide and brows raised, patiently awaiting an answer.

  
They had been walking for quiet sometime, although the cafe wasn't that far from the park, the two individuals seems to walk slower than before, mainly just to talk among themselves, learn more about each other, stuff of that sort.

  
At that moment they were discussing television shows they enjoyed, ones they hated, things they'd watch if it just so happened to be on and they were bored, just casual every conversation one is expected to have when trying to get to know another.

  
It wasn't laughs until about ten seconds ago, when Changmin openly admitted that he still liked Spongebob Squarepants, a show they both talked about liking when they were younger. However, Changmin made mention that he still found it funny and entertaining, and that if it was on he'd pick that over most other things.

  
It was then that Younghoon broke out into laughs, questioning the younger male about whether or not he was serious, to which Changmin replied, "Yes! Very serious, you can't tell me you don't still watch it, too??", thus making Younghoon laugh even more, before asking yet again if he was serious, which led us to where they were now.

  
After a few moments of no reply, mainly cause Younghoon was still laughing, Changmin emitted a loud "AHA!" before speaking.

  
"See! You can't name one thing not to love about him, he's timeless! I win, you lose!" He said ever so proudly, his face still bright as ever as Younghoon was recovering from his laughter.

  
Clearing his throat, doing his best to curb his laughter, Younghoon wiped any tears that possibly were in his eyes before finally deciding to answer.

  
"His voice, it's annoying, that's what's not to love about him." The older male said so matter-of-factly, a smirk across his features.

  
"My voice is annoying, are you saying you hate me? Wow, friendship over already, huh?" Changmin jokingly questioned, tilting his head to the side, awaiting an answer.

  
"No it's not, I love your voice." Younghoon rushed out, before realizing what he said, "I mean, not love, I like, I like your voice. It's nice." He quickly gathered himself, heart heavily beating against his chest, so loud he was sure Changmin would hear.  
By the time Younghoon was done speaking, that same pink that had dusted across his cheeks earlier was back again, this time more visible than before.

  
_It's cute._ Changmin thought to himself, wanting to reach out and poke the other's blush-filled cheeks, but didn't want to make Younghoon feel embarrassed.

  
"You know you blush easily?" Changmin asked, not realizing he had done so until it was too late, now worried about Younghoon would react.

  
"I-" Younghoon began, clearly cut off before putting both his hands up to his cheeks, rubbing them, "No I don't! I'm just, uh, I'm just cold, I think, yeah. I'm cold!" He defended himself, looking down to the ground, hiding his blushed cheeks, that were now at this point getting more and more pink.

  
"It's not a bad thing, or I don't think anyway, it's cute!" Changmin replied honestly, causing the other to look up at him, "I blush easily too, every time someone compliments me I blush, like Jacob once said my clothes looked nice, and I blushed, it's my biggest weakness I think, so yeah, not a bad thing at all!" He finished, realizing he did that thing where he talked too much all at once, thus causing him to blush as well.

  
"You're blushing now, but I didn't compliment you?" Younghoon spoke, tilting his head to the side. "Maybe you're just a natural blusher, huh?" He furthered, a smirk present on his features.

  
Was...Was Younghoon _flirting_?

  
Changmin hadn't any idea what to think, let alone what to say, so he just laughed it off and pushed Younghoon, jokingly of course.

  
"Oh, shut it! Don't laugh at me!" He exclaimed, over dramatic as ever before walking ahead.

  
"But it's cute!" Younghoon shouted, laughing as he did his best to catch up with Changmin, before finally catching up with his, reducing his walking speed to that of Changmin's to keep up with him. "See, I complimented you, now you have a reason to blush." He stated, reaching over to pat Changmin's shoulder.

  
The younger male gulped, slightly nervous as Younghoon was being forward, at least for him, anyway, and it was only a matter of time before the old, shy and reserved Younghoon returned.

  
Clearing his throat, Changmin pointed ahead, "It's just up here, right? Around this corner?" He questioned, looking over to the other male.

  
"Huh?" Younghoon replied, a bit confused before remembering they were on their way to the cafe, "Oh! Yeah, sorry, it's right up there, just uh, got a little distracted." He continued, a grin ever so present on his face.  
"I could tell." Changmin replied, causing the both to laugh a bit before walking on, en route to the cafe.

  
~

  
Around five or so minutes later, Changmin and Younghoon had once again entered the cafe, this time neither of the two bolted out of the store in an means to avoid the other, which was something the two had laughed at upon entering the cafe.

  
Once entering however, Younghoon came to a stop just a few feet from the counter, causing Changmin to stop and turn to look at him.

  
"Younghoon? You okay?" He questioned, noticing that Younghoon was looking around at the cafe. To him, nothing seemed out of the ordinary but no one really knows what's going on inside another person's head unless they tell them, so Changmin pushed the issue. "Is...Is something the matter? Do you wanna leave?"

  
"I just..." Younghoon spoke, making his way to Changmin, grabbing onto the sleeve of his shirt. "Can you order for me?" He asked, almost in a whisper as if he didn't wanna be heard by anyone but Changmin.

  
"What? Why?" The other questioned, a single brow raised, "Do you not know what you want? They make great hot chocolate here, you should get that." Changmin offered, his bright smile cast upon his features again.

  
"No it's just...there's a lot of people, and I, I don't know, can you? Please?" Younghoon asked once again, before the barista called out to them, signalling them to come up as they were next in line.

  
"Yeah, no worries, what do you want?" Changmin whispered back to him, eyes drifting down to Younghoon's hand that was clenched to his sleeve.

  
"Uhhh...A scone and a iced coffee." Younghoon replied, nodding to himself after replying, earning a nod from Changmin, who then looked to the barista.

  
"Hi, Good evening!" Changmin greeted, as bright as ever, getting a good evening back, seconds before being asked what he would like.

  
"An iced coffee, one, no, two scones, and a hot chocolate, please." He said, his genuine smile still ever so present.

  
The younger of the two then handed over his debit card to the barista, who, after running it through the register, handed it back and asked the two to patiently wait to the side for their order.

  
A few minutes later the two were sit at a booth, one that Younghoon picked out himself, saying it was quieter and they could talk more without disturbances. Changmin, however, was starting to piece together everything, but wasn't going to push the issue as he did before, knowing that this was something Younghoon had to open up and talk about himself.

  
"I've never had a scone, I didn't know they even sold them here, are they goo-" Changmin started, deciding to make conversation, only to be interrupted by Younghoon.

  
"Sorry, uh, about asking you to order for me." He began, poking at his scone with his index finger, not making eye contact with Changmin, "I usually just point at what I want, but you were here, so, uh, yeah." Younghoon continued, breaking off a piece of his scone. "I understand if you don't wanna do it again, I know some people find it annoying." He continued, with each word Changmin felt his heartbreak a little more.

  
"Hey, no, don't be sorry! I don't mind, honestly," Changmin spoke up, reaching out his hand to pat Younghoon's, causing him to look up suddenly, "it's not problem, really, everyone gets a little nervous sometimes." He furthered, pulling his hand back, and Changmin could've sworn Younghoon's hand moved an inch forward, as if to grab his own once he pulled his back, but he wrote it off as a trick of the eyes.

  
"You really don't mind it?" Younghoon questioned, almost as if he assumed Changmin would lie to him.

  
"I really don't mind it at all, I'll order for you whenever you want me to, assuming we hang out more like this...." Changmin spoke, his voice trailing off, now feeling nervous about bringing up them hanging out more. "....Is that something you'd be okay with?" He spoke quietly, almost as if had he spoke too loud someone or something would've broke.

  
"Like just us two? Or Jacob too?" Younghoon brought up, causing Changmin to feel a mixed of emotions all at once.

  
One on hand, Younghoon hadn't denied the offer of them hanging out more together. One the other, however, Younghoon brought up the idea of it being them both and Jacob. It's not that Changmin didn't want them all to hang out be friends, but Changmin was hoping the two if them would hang out more just by themselves, at least for now, anyway.

  
"Changmin? Hello?" Younghoon spoke softly, bringing Changmin back to reality, pulling him from his thoughts.

  
"I-, uh, sorry." Changmin spoke nervously, feeling his face heat up, meaning he was blushing, now hoping Younghoon didn't notice. "I got distracted, sorry. What'd you ask again?" He continued, hoping they could go back to the normal flow of conversation again.

  
Laughing softly, Younghoon smiled, one wider than ever. "You're blushing again," He spoke, reaching his hand across the table to brush his thumb across Changmin's pink dusted cheeks, which of course made Changmin's blush turn a deeper shade followed by his heart skipping a beat. "It's cute," He continued, pulling his arm back, "I asked if you just meant us two or Jacob too, in regards to hanging out again like this." He finished, picking his drink up from the table, taking a sip from it.

  
Changmin, who's head was spinning like crazy, was trying to process everything that just happened. Younghoon was being so affectionate, or it seemed that way, anyway. So much was going on all at once, and Changmin had to collect and gather his thoughts before speaking, worrying that if he said anything he's spill everything.

  
"Uh..." The younger male spoke, laughing nervously, reaching up to touch his cheek, the one Younghoon had previously touched, "I'm okay with just the two of us, but if you wanna hang out with Jacob too, that's fine, I don't mind." He finally got out, congratulating himself in his thoughts for not spilling his feelings.

  
"I'm okay with that," Younghoon spoke, causing Changmin to look up and make eye contact with the other, "with just us two, I mean." He furthered, playing with the straw in his drink, mixing it around in the drink. "Not that I have anything against Jacob, but I'm a bit intimidated by him, if I'm being honest." The older male admitted, laughing while shaking his head. "It's stupid, I know, but he's just so...involved? I don't know how to explain it." He finished with a sigh, still shaking his head.

  
"No, I totally get you," Changmin replied, a bit too fast he thought, "when I first met him he was so, like, out there and involved in everyone, it's like he can make conversation with literally anyone, it's so..I don't even know how he does it." He continued, not even breathing between sentences, finally relieved to have someone to relate to on the subject.

  
"Exactly!" Younghoon explained, a clearly excited look on his face. "In class he always asks questions, helps people, he's just so sociable, it amazes me. If someone sits in my seat by accident I can't even ask them to move I just sit somewhere else." He furthered, going on, mentioning things Jacob had already told Changmin.

  
But Changmin wasn't going to tell him that, all the younger male wanted was to hear the other talk, hoping that he'd open up more considering all Changmin wanted was for them to get closer.

  
"Oh god, I'm the same way! But I've started making sure I get to class early enough to get my seat, if I don't get it I never know where to sit." Changmin explained, smile ever so bright on his face as he spoke, glad that he could relate on something with the other.

  
Steady back and forth conversation is what went on for the next half hour, food and drinks long forgotten as only half their scones had been ate and the drinks were barely touched. It wasn't until Changmin felt his phone buzz in his pocket for the fifth time in a row.

  
Sighing, Changmin reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone only to find out Jacob had sent him three texts and called him twice.

  
"Shit, it's Jacob, he's probably worried." Changmin spoke, gaining Younghoon's attention which at the time was focused on his drink.

  
"Should we go back? I don't want him being too worried, plus I need to apologize," Younghoon stated, going to stand up before Changmin stopped him, standing up as well.

  
"You don't need to apologize, trust me, I promise he'd not upset or anything, if anything he's the one who should be apologizing." The younger male explained, pocketing his phone after sending Jacob a quick text telling him he was on his way home. "Can I have your number?" He questioned, before realizing that could possibly be too forward.

  
"Y-yes." Younghoon stuttered, gulping after speaking before holding his hand out for Changmin's phone seconds before the latter handing it over it so he could put his number in it, saving his name as 'Younghoon :)'. "I saved it as Younghoon," He began again, before clearing his throat, "I mean you know that, obviously, what else would I save my number as? Haha." He finished, laughing nervously after the fact.

  
"Yeah, no, I get you." Changmin replied, picking his drink up from the table. "Wanna walk back together? We're both going to the same place, right?" He offered, hoping the other would accept said offer, so that they could spend more time together.

  
"Actually I drove here..." Younghoon sheepishly admitted, looking down to the ground as he rubbed the nape of his neck. "I, uh, I don't know, earlier I just ran, I literally passed my motor scooter outside when I ran." He continued, nervously laughing his way through his embarrassing tale.

  
"Oh..." Changmin replied, sadness now filling his once warm chest. "Well I'll see you around campus then? I mean if you-" He continued, before being cut off by none other than Younghoon himself.

  
"You can ride back with me." Younghoon spoke quickly, causing a bright smile to appear on Changmin's face.

  
"W-What? Are you sure?" The younger questioned, not wanting to seem to eager and accepting right away. "I mean, is there enough room?" He furthered his questioning, now not wanting to get his hopes up.

  
"I....I think." Younghoon replied, walking towards the exit of the cafe but not before grabbing Changmin's hand with his free one. "Only one way to find out." He finished before promptly dragging the other out of the cafe.

  
Changmin thought he heart was gonna explode. Younghoon, _the_ Younghoon was holding his hand, walking him to his motor scooter where they were, hopefully, gonna ride home together. Truthfully he wouldn't be surprised if his heart didn't literally burst from his chest.

  
So much had happened that day, so much to think about, so much Changmin didn't even know how to process. All in all in the end he was for sure returning home with more questions than answers and, honestly, he was okay with that.

  
"-Changmin? Hello?" Younghoon voice sounded, pulling him from his thoughts, causing him to feel completely embarrassed.

  
"I'm sorry, I, uh, I got distracted. What were you saying?" He spoke, trying to act as if nothing had happened, as if he wasn't just thinking about how Younghoon was still holding his hand

.  
Laughing, Younghoon gestured to his motor scooter, "There's enough room, but you might have to hold on to my shoulders..." He spoke, making his way over to said scooter, letting go of Changmin's hand in the process.

  
"I, uh," Changmin began, a bit sad by the loss of the warmth that radiated from Younghoon holding his hand, "yeah, that'll be okay. I'm okay with that." He finished, nodded several times before being handed a helmet.

  
"Put it on, it'll keep you safe." Younghoon instructed before throwing a leg over one side of the scooter in order to sit on it.

  
"Don't you need one too?" Changmin questioned, mimicking Younghoon in order to get on the moped.

  
"I only have one, and passenger's safety first." The older male replied, seconds before Changmin placed his hands on his shoulders. "All ready?" He continued, looking back to the other before receiving a nod.

  
Not even two seconds later the moped had started up and Younghoon was pulling from the parking lot, en route to their campus.

  
~

  
Around five or so minutes into the drive, Younghoon came to a stop, causing Changmin to look around only to notice they were parked on the side of the road.

  
"Is...Is something wrong?" He spoke, worried that he might've done something wrong, or that the scooter was messed up.

  
"No, nothing's wrong, but, you holding my shoulders is making it kinda hard to steer...." The older male spoke, turning to look back at his friend before gulping audibly. "Maybe put your arms around my waist...?" He offered, hesitation clear and present in his voice, almost as if he was worried Changmin was gonna be disgusted by his offer.

  
"Are you....Are you okay with that?" Changmin asked, obviously wanting to be able to hold on to Younghoon's waist, but he didn't want to make Younghoon uncomfortable.

  
"Yeah, it's, uh, it's fine." Younghoon spoke, looking forward seconds before Changmin slid his arms around the other's waist, a smile spreading on both of their faces, unbeknownst to each other. "Hold on tight, okay?" He spoke up, looking back to Changmin who nodded in repose, getting a more secure hold around his waist.

  
"Thank you." Changmin muttered, not even knowing if the other had heard until he had spoke, in a even quieter tone.

  
_"Any time, Changmin, any time."_


	5. it hurts to love you (but i still love you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...I want to tell him." Younghoon whispered out not focused on Juyeon anymore, not really focused on anything in particular. "I...I'm going to tell him. I'm gonna do it, Juyeon!" He spoke, excitement now coursing through his body over the idea of confessing. 
> 
> Juyeon's former expression changed to one of actual shock and surprise. 
> 
> "Wait, really?? Are you gonna actually?" Juyeon questioned, excitment very apparent in his tone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm hiiiii !!! sorry for the SUPER long wait for updating this fic omg :(( i had a Rough patch irl and anything i wrote seemed like garbage to me so i really do apologize for the long wait, but this chapter is quite longer than the others, i believe, so i hope it makes up for the long wait 
> 
> if you like, please leave a kudos and a comment!!! any and all comments are appreciated!!

The ride home was, for the most part, silent. The only noise that was present was the annoying buzzing of the moped's engine and the whipping speedy cars going by.

  
Had he not known any better, Younghoon would've thought Changmin had fallen asleep but due to the constant tightening arms around his waist, Younghoon was pretty sure the other was awake.

  
If Younghoon was asked to describe how he felt each time he felt the younger's arms tighten around his waist, he would describe the feeling he got as a fluttering-anxious feeling.

  
The fluttering came obviously from the feeling of someone holding onto his waist, as for the anxiety, well, that was for an entirely different reason.

  
"What if someone saw? What would they think?" Younghoon thought to himself constantly, worried that someone, somewhere was gonna notice and immediately begin to judge them, or hell, maybe even shout out obscenities that would hurt Changmin's feelings. That was all he cared about, Changmin's feelings not being hurt.

  
Yes it was Younghoon's idea for Changmin to hold Younghoon by the waist, but that's cause in the moment Younghoon was being greedy and wanted that little extra affection from the other considering they weren't gonna be able to talk much on the way back. Not once did he think of how people would react, more importantly how Changmin would react to how people reacted.

  
To his knowledge, however, no one seemed to react at all. Well, he couldn't really keep an eye on everyone he was passing by considering he had to focus on driving and getting them back to the campus' dorms. But Younghoon found some solace in the fact that he hadn't seen anyone giving them odd stares nor had he heard anyone shout anything, so for the most part everything was fine.

  
As Changmin's arms tightened around his waist once again, Younghoon was pulled into reality and out of his thoughts. Once realizing what happened, he couldn't help the blush that dusted quickly over his cheeks. He wasn't one to get, well, soft, for anyone, but Changmin wasn't just anyone. He was fine with getting soft over the younger, as long as he could keep it hidden, that is.

  
~

  
Before he knew it, Younghoon was arriving to campus. Sadness quickly filled his being, replacing the nice warm feeling that was present before. It was time for the two to go to their separate dorms, and God, Younghoon hoped Changmin would text him back later that day.

  
"Hey, we here?" Changmin spoke once Younghoon stopped the moped, pulling his helmet off and looking around.

  
Turning around Younghoon was greeted with a messy-haired Changmin, which was, somehow, a million times cuter than before, causing Younghoon to be a loss for words as he just stared.

  
"What? Is there something on my face?" Changmin spoke with a laugh, stepping off of the bike and stretching. "That was a longer ride than I thought, haha." He laughed, before pulling his phone out, seconds before shouting. "My hair!" He exclaimed, using his free hand to fix his hair the best he could.

  
"Helmet's will do that to you." Younghoon spoke, a smile spread across his features, only to be playfully pushed by the younger.

  
"Don't laugh!" He joked, continuing to try and fix his hair. "I need my brush, and like a million different hair products." Changmin continued, using his phone screen as a mirror while messing with his hair.

  
Silence then grew between the two as Younghoon hopped of the moped himself, placing the helmet on the seat Changmin had sat in.

  
"Thanks," Younghoon started, clearing his throat before continuing, "for today, I mean, I really enjoyed hanging out with you." He spoke, reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck, laughing nervously. "I know it started off, uh, very rocky, but, I'm glad we had that talk, really." Younghoon finished, looking down to the ground, worried blush would be his worst enemy and spread across his cheeks.

  
"Yeah, same, I'm glad we ran into each other." Changmin replied, reaching across to pat the older's shoulder. "It's like destiny, huh?" He spoke, causing Younghoon's head to jolt up. "Like, it was fate for us to run into each other, almost." Changmin furthered, his smile ever present on his features as he explained, before clearing his throat.

  
_God, I'm in deep._ Younghoon thought to himself, looking at the other male in front of him, picking up as many details as possible before realizing he had to, y'know, respond to Changmin.

  
"Totally," He started, taking a deep breath in. "Just like fate." He repeated the other, before laughing a bit. "Can I, uh, walk you to your dorm?" Younghoon offered, seconds before seeing the younger male's face light up, thus causing his heart beat to speed up. "I mean, if that's okay, I just don't want Jacob to think you had to walk home alone, I mean, if you told him we were together. Wait- No, not like that, I mean, I just-" Younghoon stuttered and mumbled, tripping over his words as he felt his cheeks heat up once again before Changmin cut him off.

  
"Yeah, no, I know what you mean, no worries." He replied, reaching a hand up to poke Younghoon's cheeks. "You're blushing," He stated, chuckling before nodding, "and yeah you can walk me, I don't mind." He finished, before motioning to the doors to the building, earning a nod from Younghoon prior to making their way to previously mentions doors.

  
As the pair walked down the hall of the dorms, Younghoon was pleased realizing there was no one hanging outside the rooms or in the common area. Yet again he was now worried about people staring and making rude comments to this.

  
Yes, sure, Changmin probably walks in and out of the dorms many times with Jacob and his other friends, but Younghoon is someone that has never been in these dorms, and also it was getting dark outside. Maybe it was just his paranoid mind, but Younghoon didn't want people getting the wrong idea and possibly bullying or being mean to Changmin, considering he was the one who lived in these dorms, anyway.

  
"Well, here we are." Changmin spoke, pulling Younghoon from his thoughts, realizing that they were now in front of the younger male's dorm.

  
"Indeed, here we are." Younghoon repeated, being his signature awkward self, causing his younger friend to laugh.

  
"Did you wanna talk to Jacob? I know it's kinda getting late, so it's okay if not, he's probably sleeping anyway." Changmin spoke, pointing behind him with his thumb, earning a head shake from the other.

  
"N-No. I don't wanna, uh, bother him. I'll talk to him after or before class tomorrow, or I'll come over and talk to him," He began before pausing, "I mean, if that's okay with you?" Younghoon finished, forming his statement into a question.

  
"Well duh!" Changmin laughed, playfully pushing Younghoon. "You're my friend, and Jacob's friend, you're allowed to come over anytime." He informed, reaching in his pocket to pull out his key seconds before turning around to unlock his dorm door.

  
A shy smile along with some very much expected blush appeared on Younghoon's features, loving just how close the two had gotten all in one day. If they got this close in just one day, the older male couldn't wait to see how close they'd get in ten days, hell, a week even.

  
"I'll catch you later, remember, text me, yeah?" Younghoon spoke, slowly backing up from Changmin's door, waiting for an answer before turning away from the other.

  
"Yes sir!" Changmin called out jokingly, before entering his dorm, turning back to wave one last time seconds before closing the door behind him.

  
"Well." Younghoon thought, turning away from his friend's door, making his way out of the dorm hall en route to his own, "that was a lot better than expected." his thoughts furthered as he hopped onto his moped, starting it up real quick.

  
He was happy. Younghoon could say, for the first time in what seemed like forever, that he was happy. Maybe the day had been rough here and there, but overall, Younghoon was ending the day happy.

  
Happy cause of none other than the boy he was so helplessly in love with.

  
Happy cause of _Ji Changmin_.

  
~

  
The drive back to his side of campus was, for a lack of better words, lonely. It's as if his entire world was snatch from him all over again.

  
That was also a thing, Changmin was his entire world, but he didn't have him. In his mind, he was never gonna have him. Nothing ever went right for him, somehow, somewhere along the line, something will go wrong and fuck everything up. Or, at least, that's what Younghoon thought. If it wasn't gonna be others tearing them down, it'd be literally his own anxieties.

  
Younghoon wanted to be with Changmin so bad, he wanted to be able to parade him around campus, hell, the entire world, if possible, and show everyone that he had, quiet possibly, the best boyfriend ever. But, along with that, Younghoon knew he couldn't get over the past, he knew that he would fear constantly that something similar, or worst, would happen and either him or Changmin would end up getting hurt.

  
In the end, it was all about Changmin's feelings. That's all Younghoon cared about. He didn't care if his feelings got hurt, all he cared about was Changmin and his feelings. Which is why, the older male was almost sure he'd never, ever, let his feelings be known.

  
Before he knew it, Younghoon was arriving at his dorms, which brought on a sense of relief and a sense of sadness. He was finally relieved he was home and could lay down after the long, long, day he had, but alongside with that he was sad that his day with Changmin was now officially over.

  
Sighing to himself as he parked his moped prior to taking the keys out of the ignition, the brunette made his way towards his dorms, quick to avoid any and all eye contact with anyone around him as Younghoon really couldn't deal with any conversation from his so called "friends".

  
Right as he passed through the double doors, entering the building which housed the dorm, Younghoon felt his phone in his pocket buzz thus causing a smile to form on his face, only due to the thought that finally Changmin was texting him.

  
But once looking at the phone, his smile quickly faded realizing it was a text from his dorm mate, Juyeon, telling him he was going to be out for the night.

  
"Thank God." Younghoon said quietly to himself as he typed back a single 'ok :) have fun' before pocketing his phone and proceeding to his dorm.

  
Once in said dorm, Younghoon immediately plopped down on his bed, pulled his phone out of his pocket and just stared. It was almost as if he thought that staring was going to make a text from Changmin appear.

  
That was all he wanted, was for Changmin to finally text him, then he could take a nap before eventually having to find something to eat since Juyeon, the expert in cooking between the two, was going to be gone for the night.

  
Younghoon knew he was setting himself up for failure, he wasn't going to lie. Everything about this could only have bad outcomes, the chance something good coming out of all of this was little to none and yet, he was okay with that. If just being friends with Changmin was all that was gonna happen, Younghoon was fully ready to deal with the heartbreak all while maintaining his friendship.

  
Multiple buzzing noises pulled him from his thoughts as Younghoon returned his focus on his phone, seeing three new texts all from numbers he wasn't familiar with.

  
As the smile on his face grew and grew, Younghoon waited patiently from his phone to load the messages after unlocking it.

 

from: Unknown (7:45 p.m.)  
     hey it's me (* ^ ω ^)

  
from: Unknown (7:45 p.m.)  
    me as in changmin, if you haven't guessed

  
from: Unknown (7:46 p.m.)  
     thank you for today, really. it meant a lot to me (＾▽＾), also i like your contact name "Younghoon-ie :)" it's cute.

 

"God he's just as cute as I remembered he was." Younghoon spoke softly, reading the messages over and over again, memories from the past slowly coming back to him.

 

 

**_** THREE YEARS AGO **_ **

 

  
_"Hoon-ie~ Hoon-ie~" A voice called, pulling the brunette from the book he had his face buried into._

  
_Looking up and around, the man in question, Younghoon, saw none other than the Lee Juyeon running towards him, not caring about any of the people in the hall surrounding him. Quickly standing up to make his way towards his friends, in an attempt to lessen the attention the two of them get were gaining, Younghoon began shushing him._

  
_"Why are you shushing me??" Juyeon questioned once he was face to face with Younghoon. "I have good good news for you!!" He exclaimed excitingly, bouncing on the tips of his feet._

  
_"And what would that be exactly?" Younghoon questioned, tilting his head to the side as Juyeon got quiet and began to look around them._

  
_"Not here." He simply stated, grabbing the other's arm before practically dragging him down the nearest hall to the empty band room._

  
_Once in the empty band room Younghoon was completely beside himself. What news had to be so important that he brought him here??? Why couldn't Juyeon just tell him on his way to their next class, which they shared. In all honesty, it was starting to make him extremely anxious._

  
_"Earth to Younghoon?? Helloooooo?" Juyeon's voice called, pulling him from his thoughts and returning to reality. "Did you hear me?? Why aren't you jumping excitingly??" Juyeon questioned, a bright smile on his face as if he was trying to influence a certain expression on Younghoon's features._

  
_"No, I, uh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." Younghoon replied honestly, clearing his throat after he spoke, hoping that his younger friend wouldn't be able to sense his anxiety. "What'd you say?" He questioned, trying to regain control in the conversation, anything to finally be freed of his worries on whatever Juyeon brought him in the room for._

  
_Sighing, Juyeon laughed a bit, shaking his head prior to speaking. "I said, word on the street is that sophomore Ji Changmin has a major crush on an upperclassman!!" He repeated, bouncing on his toe, his smile returning to his face._

  
_Juyeon was....well, in Younghoon's eyes, he was stupid. Really pretty, but really, really, really stupid. There were well over two hundred upperclassmen to Younghoon's knowledge, meaning that Changmin could well like any of them, rather than liking Younghoon, which is what the latter believed Juyeon was attempting to get at. But if this excited him enough to prompt him to smile, Younghoon was okay with it, as Juyeon did have a really pretty smile._

  
_"So???" Juyeon spoke seconds later, after silence fell between the two. "You're gonna go talk to him right?? This is LITERALLY your chance, dude." He continued, placing both hands on the older male's shoulder, shaking him._

  
_Allowing himself to be shook back and forth, Younghoon rolled his eyes before he shooed Juyeon's hands away, only to talk moments later._

  
_"You do realize that there's literally almost three hundred upperclassmen, right? You included, even though your age and personality don't seem like it sometimes." Younghoon replied, making a crack at Juyeon being in the same grade as him despite their age difference, only doing so to avoid the anxious pit forming in his stomach once again._

  
_"I don't have any classes with him, idiot! You two have that piano class together, remember?? I may not be the best in math but i'm like ninety-five percent sure the person he likes is someone in one of his classes." Juyeon pointed out, trying to hype Younghoon up to make a move on his crush._

  
_It was true that Younghoon was so helplessly fallen for Changmin, that since the beginning of the year seeing him daily in their piano class was the best part of his day and that it had grown to become something he found himself looking forward to. While all that was true, Younghoon never worked up the courage to ever talk to the boy, each time the class got to pick partners, the older male did his best to psych himself up to go ask Changmin to be his partner, only to see that Changmin partnered up with the star of the class, Bae Jacob. Other than that, the two had said literally only two words to one another._

  
_"Younghoon? Hello??" Juyeon spoke, snapping his fingers in front of Younghoon's face, trying to bring him back to reality, which was successful._

  
_"Look, as much as I would love for this to be true, I've barely talked to him, what if I go up to him and I'm not even the person he likes? Do you know how humiliated I'll be??" Younghoon accidentally snapped, not really meaning to sound as annoyed as he did._

  
_"Hey hey!" Juyeon replied in his defense, holding both hands up and taking a step back. "I'm just trying to make the best of this situation." Juyeon explained honestly, sighing as he lowered his hands. "I don't want you spending forever on what could've been all cause you were too scared to take a shot in the dark." He continued, gaze dropping to the floor space between their feet._

  
_"I could say the same to you about Chanhe-" Younghoon went to speak before Juyeon's hand flew over his mouth, several shushes following suit._

  
_"This isn't about me and Chan-. This isn't about me and....him." Juyeon protested shaking his head, not wanting to bring up his own issues with admitting his feelings. "Just, Younghoon, do you really want to be obsessed over this dude for the rest of high school? Or do you want to make you move now and at least get an answer from him?" Juyeon asked plainly, removing his hand from Younghoon's mouth allowing him to answer._

  
_"I..." Younghoon uttered, not really knowing what to say._

  
_It was true, yes, that he so desperately wanted to know how Changmin felt about him, or if he even felt anything at all. The endless possibilities that flooded his mind each time he thought about Changmin feeling the same way as him were, for lack of better words, magical._

  
_The endless joy he received over the simple thought of holding the other boys' hand as they walked through the halls, through the city, hell, anyway for all Younghoon cared. He'd walk anywhere with the younger male as long as they were hand in hand._

  
_"...I want to tell him." Younghoon whispered out not focused on Juyeon anymore, not really focused on anything in particular. "I...I'm going to tell him. I'm gonna do it, Juyeon!" He spoke, excitement now coursing through his body over the idea of confessing._

  
_Juyeon's former expression changed to one of actual shock and surprise._

  
_"Wait, really?? Are you gonna actually?" Juyeon questioned, excitement very apparent in his tone._

  
_"Is he actually gonna what....?" A voice called out, interrupting their hidden and supposedly secret area for a private conversation._

  
_"Hyunjae? What are you doing here?" Juyeon asked, gulping as he looking between Hyunjae and Younghoon, who was clearly panicked._

  
_"Uh..." The guy, Hyunjae, replied, looking around. "Is this not the band room? This is my next class. I set up here so I make sure I get first chair." He answered honestly, making his way further into the room, between the two. "So, what is it that you're doing exactly that's gotten Lee Juyeon so worked up?" Hyunjae questioned, averting the conversation, and his gaze over to Younghoon._

  
_"Uh...." Younghoon began, looking at Juyeon who was just as clueless as he was. "Nothing, I have to get to class, I'm sorry." He continued, adjusting his bookbag before hurrying towards the exit. "I'll see you in class, Juyeon." He uttered prior to passing through the doors and out into the hallway, en route to a certain locker he knew all too well._

  
_Younghoon knew what he had to do, he knew he had to hurry up and do this one thing before his mind got the better of him and made him stop. This was his only chance to ever, and he meant ever possibly admit his feelings to Changmin._

  
_As he turned down the hall, expecting to see the literal man of his dreams by his locker like he usually was. Younghoon was met with a semi empty hallway. Only a few people were gathered here and there but not enough to cause Younghoon to back out of what he was gonna do, or what he was planning on doing anyway before realizing that the very much possible love of his life was no where in sight._

  
_Sighing, Younghoon turned around before, planning on actually going to class before the most cheesy idea popped into his head._

  
_Smiling stupidly to himself, Younghoon shrugged his bookbag off his shoulders before placing it on the floor, bending down to open it up and reach inside it seconds before pulling out his notebook along with a purple pen._

  
_Ripping out a piece of paper from the notebook, Younghoon pressed the sheet flat against the wall, pen in hand, and quickly scribbled down the first thing that could come to mind._

  
_"To Ji Changmin_  
_You are the best for me._  
_Always and forever._  
_From: Kim Younghoon, Locker Number 105"_

  
_Once he was finished writing his slightly cringey note, Younghoon folded it up as cutely as possible prior to drawing at heart on the front of it, writing "To: Changmin" inside of said heart and quickly making his way over the Changmin's locker._

  
_Just as he was about to slip the note into the locker and make a run for it, several laughs from behind him pulling him back to reality, causing him to turn around, only to come face to face with Hyunjae and a group of three other classmates he didn't recognize._

  
_"So this is what you had to do? Deliver a note to a boy's locker??" Hyunjae spoke, doing his best to stop himself from laughing. "Kim Younghoon, manly man Kim Younghoon who's had so many girls swoon over him is gay??" He spoke loudly, not caring for the crowd that was suddenly tuning into their conversation._

  
_"Hyunjae, please don't." Younghoon spoke, note clutched in hand as his heart began racing, and his face heated up._

  
_"I thought if anything you were going to talk to a girl, but oh God, I never would've imagined that you are.....gay?!" Hyunjae spoke louder, shaking his head side to side._

  
_Suddenly Younghoon became hyper-aware of everyone that had gathered around him, it was if he was some kind of freak in a freak show, and the other people watching him were the audience gathered around to see the supposed freak do it's tricks._

  
_A sudden shout of a rather offensive slur brought him back to reality, thinking it had come from Hyunjae, but soon dismissing the thought as he too looked just as shocked as he did._

  
_Needless to say, Younghoon didn't stick around to figure out who said it, painic now spread through his being as a sickness bubbled in the pit of his stomach, he darted for his bookbag before charging off down the hallway, only to come to a stop as he nearly ran right into the last person he wanted to see in that moment._  
_Ji Changmin._

  
_"Hey?" He spoke, looking to him seconds before looking back at the crowd that had gathered behind him. "Wha-" Changmin went to speak again, before being cut off by Younghoon running straight passed him, knocking shoulders with him in an attempt to flee the scene._

 

 

**_*** PRESENT DAY ***_ **

 

 

That memory. That damn memory. Those couple of minutes he was called out in front of a group of thirty-something people. It changed the course of the rest of his high school career.

  
By the end of the day, over half the school knew he was gay. He was getting texts from any and everyone imaginable, except his parents, thank god, asking him if 'the rumors were true' and if he was 'y'know....'. It was almost as if people were too scared to say the actual words.

  
But it didn't stop there. By the following day it seemed like the entire school knew he was gay, as more people were shoving him as they walked by him, more people calling out offensive slurs as he passed.

  
The worst Younghoon could remember it getting was one day when he found himself alone at his locker, getting books for his next class, he turned around to find himself surrounded by not one, not two, but three different guys he didn't know. As he attempted to shove passed him they shoved back, slamming him up again the locker prior to bombarding him with questions, ones he wasn't even given the chance to answer to as he would either be punched in the gut, kneed in the crotch, or have his head banged against the locker. It only lasted for a minute or two before a teacher came to break it up, but God, to Younghoon it felt like it lasted for hours.

  
He never told his parents. He couldn't bare to know what they thought of him if they knew he was gay. Younghoon had already lost a majority of his friends, he couldn't lose his only family too.

  
Juyeon even grew distant from him, not wanting to be labeled gay as well. But that only lasted for a week before the tall lanky male came rushing to him one afternoon apologizing profusely, saying how it was stupid of him to avoid him, and how that Younghoon should hate him cause he was the reason why he was going to Changmin's locker in the first place. To which Younghoon just told him to hush, that he, Younghoon, was the one that went to the locker.

  
Needless to say, the remaining years of high school were utter hell, sure as time went on things would quiet down, then turn up again, only to quiet down a week or so later.

  
When it came time to pick colleges, Juyeon offered up the idea of them applying to the same one, which, sadly to him, was one that most of the people in the school too were going to apply to, as it was one of the easier schools to get into.

  
However, Younghoon decided that he wasn't going to let any passed issues stop him from pursuing his dreams of attending college, that if he had to, he'd take every precaution to avoid any of his passed harassers.

  
The sudden buzz of his phone brought him back to reality, only to find a folded piece of paper in his hands. The folded pieces of paper in his hands. As in, the note he wrote for Changmin, ever since entering college and realizing that Changmin too was in the same college, Younghoon kept the note in his bedside table, hoping that one day that he'd get the courage to slide it to Changmin, especially since they had a class together. He must have grabbed it subconsciously while reflecting on the past three years.

  
Reaching over to check his phone, he realized it was another message from Changmin.

 

from: Unknown (8:15 p.m.)  
     hey, i don't mean to triple text, but can we hang out tomorrow? we have a project in psych and i still don't have a partner....

 

A smile formed across his features as he placed the note back on his bedside table, picking up his phone just as another text came in.

 

from: Unknown (8:16 p.m.)  
     it's okay if you don't want to, just let me know please! (* ^ ω ^)

 

Sighing happily, Younghoon rolled onto his back as he held his phone above his head, quickly typing back a quick 'Of course I'd love to be your partner :D', prior to finally adding Changmin to his contacts, setting his name to 'The Most Handsome Ever'.

  
Just as he was about to place his phone down so he could go shower and clean up after the long, long day he had, another text came through which brought him the biggest smile, seconds before texting back.

 

from: The Most Handsome Ever (8:20 p.m.)  
     good to know, i think i'm gonna love being partners with you <3 :D i'll text you details tomorrow, okay? sleep well!!

  
to: The Most Handsome Ever (8:20 p.m.)  
  can't wait <3 see you tomorrow Changminnie~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you like, please leave a kudos and a comment!!! any and all comments are appreciated!!


	6. you've been on my mind (i got nothing for you but time)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh!" Changmin spoke, if he was disappointed that that's what Younghoon said, the older male didn't catch it. "Yeah, let's go, I have some ideas, I think, on what to do." Changmin nodded, letting go of Younghoon's hand as he made his way passed the other. 
> 
> As his hand fell from Changmin's, Younghoon couldn't help but feel it had grew ten times as cold as it had originally been. Even though they weren't fully holding hands like Younghoon would've liked, but the feeling of Changmin's hand in his, or vice versa, was something Younghoon wanted to experience time and time again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! Hello all !! Sorry for the really really long wait between updates, I went through a bit of a writers block along with thinking that what I had wrote wasn't good enough, but now after re-reading and doing some editing to the chapters I have saved, I think I'm ready to start posting again :DD

The following morning was, well, one of the most stressful in Younghoon's entire life.

  
Changmin and him were meeting up in less than two hours and Younghoon hadn't the slightest idea what to wear. No matter how long he stood in front of his full body mirror, placing various articles of clothing across his figure, he couldn't find anything that he thought would impress Changmin.

  
This is our first actually time hanging out for real, Younghoon thought, eyeing the current shirt he had draped across his chest, I have to look perfect. His thoughts furthered before the sound of a door being opened pulled him from his thoughts.

  
Turning to look to find the source of the noise he saw none other than his dorm-mate, Juyeon waltz in the room with a towel wrapped around his waist, having just got out of the shower.

  
Before even having a chance to utter the tiniest of sounds, Juyeon scoffed, shaking his head as he closed the door behind him, making way to his dresser on his side of the dorm.

  
"You're still trying to find something to wear? Seriously?" He questioned, back turned to the older male as he rummaged through his dresser.

  
"I-" Younghoon began to protest before Juyeon cut him off.

  
"You're acting like this is a date, Younghoon, you're going to a library, to study for a project." Juyeon began, turning to eye the other over his shoulder, a grin smeared across his face. "Do you really think he's going to care what you wear?" The younger added, before dropping his towel, causing Younghoon to quickly look away as the other began clothing himself, or so Younghoon hoped.

  
The older male couldn't help but feel as though Juyeon was right and that he was over thinking it, but something told him that if he didn't find the right outfit to wear, Changmin was going to hate it and never want to see him again. Yes, maybe that's a bit over dramatic, but all Younghoon wanted to do was just impress the other to the fullest of extent.

  
"If you're that worried just throw on a plain white shirt and that denim jacket you always wear. It looks good, trust me, I know fashion." Juyeon spoke again pulling Younghoon from his thoughts, "I mean look at me, I'm dressed to impress any and everyone I meet." He stated so matter of factly, hinting for the other to turn around and look at him.

  
Upon doing so he was met with, well, usual Juyeon attire, black skinny jeans with a few holes ripped into them, followed by a baseball tee-shirt. Nothing was special about that, Younghoon thought, but hey if Juyeon felt confident in himself, who was he to change that?

  
"You don't look any different than you usually do, dude." Younghoon replied, giving the other a quick up-and-down look. "Also, wait, why are you up so early? I don't get it. We don't have class today, and you're up before noon." Younghoon questioned, tossing the current article of clothing he was holding on his bed.

  
Stunned by essentially being called out, Juyeon stood still before his face slowly began turning red.

  
"Oh my God!" Younghoon shouted, a bright smile beaming across his face. "You're going to see Chanhee, aren't you? Really?! Of ALL things, a boy, who you just met like three weeks ago, pulls you out of bed before noon?? We had a fire drill the other day Juyeon and you slept right through it." Younghoon teased, finally feeling as if he had the upper hand for once, as Juyeon would usually be the one to poke fun at him.

  
"No!! I'm.." Juyeon began an attempt to defend himself, his face growing more red by the second, "I'm going to hang out with a group of people, and Chanhee will be there, yes, what's it matter to you?? Don't you have to get ready for your study date with Changmin?" Juyeon teased back successfully causing Younghoon's face to go red.

  
"Not a date!" Younghoon said returning to his mess of clothes on his bed, deciding to just wear a plain white shirt with his denim jacket like Juyeon suggested.

  
Yes, maybe Younghoon would like the idea of going on a date with Changmin, and yes, maybe he would like this study session to be a study date but it wasn't. Plus, he didn't even know if Changmin was gay, and even if he was, Younghoon had a mini-breakdown and told Changmin that he wasn't gay.

  
It was a mess. Younghoon was a mess. Everything was a mess and at the moment, Younghoon didn't know what he could do about it.

  
"You're sure making it seem like one with how stressed you are about what you're wearing." Juyeon's voice chimed in once again, before making his way past Younghoon. "Just be yourself, dude. Seriously, that's the best way to impress someone." The younger said before opening up their dorm door once more. "I'll be going now, please don't worry too much, really, you get twitchy and that's not cute." He finished before exiting the room, living Younghoon by his lonesome self.

  
Groaning Younghoon plopped himself down onto his bed, annoyed with himself.

  
Was he really overthinking this? Would Changmin even care what he showed up in? He was the one who invited him and all, so one would think that he'd not care what was worn.

  
On one hand, Changmin might not care what Younghoon would show up in, and they'd go about their day working on their Psych project. While on the other hand this could be one of the only times Younghoon can really impress the younger male, something he's been trying to do since junior year of high school.

  
A buzzing noise yanked Younghoon from his thoughts, causing him to shift around on his bed until he could find his phone. Once in hand, Younghoon saw that Changmin was calling, which of course caused all worry in him to disappear as he answered and held the phone up to his ear.

  
"Hello?" Younghoon spoke, smile present as ever on his face, as if he wasn't just in the middle of a life crisis over clothing options.

  
"Younghoonieeee," Changmin's voice rang out, causing the older's heart to skip a beat, it was like music to his years, "I know I said I'd text you, but, I'm ready now and I know it's only just now ten, but I get a little ahead of myself during things like this, I'm sorry." He continued, rambling on and on, Younghoon didn't mind though, he could listen to Changmin talk for hours.

  
"Hey, hey," Younghoon began, shaking his head as if the other could see it, "don't be sorry! It's perfectly fine, I've been up for the last couple hours anyway." He explained, laughing to himself as he looked around at all the clothes surrounding him.

  
"Really? Are you really that excited for our study session? I feel like it's gonna be boring, it's in a library, and we have to be quiet, I don't want you to be bored." Changmin explained, you could tell he was pouting just from how he was speaking, and Younghoon couldn't help but fall in love with said pout, even though he's yet to see it.

  
Suddenly, an idea sparked in Younghoon's head and his whole being became overwhelmingly excited.

  
"Do you want to come to my dorm?" Younghoon asked a little too fast, earning a noise of confusion from Changmin in return. "I mean, we go check out the books, and come back to my dorm and work." He continued, informing the other on his idea, not wanting to get too ahead of himself. "Juyeon's with friends so I'm the only one here, plus people in my dorm have lives, and well, I don't so it's quiet. But, only if you want to, though." He finished, gulping back the worry of rejection as he stray hand not holding the phone clutched the bed sheets beneath him.

  
In reply, Changmin only hummed for what felt like eternity, which in reality was probably only a few seconds, prior to replying, just as joyful as ever.

  
"Yes! I'd like that, actually, I'm, uh, kind of a noisy worker so the library isn't really the best place for me." The younger spoke, laughing at his own words, which caused Younghoon to laugh.

  
"So, I'll be over in like fifteen minutes? Maybe?" Changmin picked up once again after their laughter died down. "Maybe less, I walk really fast, but you know that already." He furthered, laughing once again as he spoke.

  
"I could come pick you up?" Younghoon suggested, liking the idea of going to pick Changmin up, as it reminded him of something a boyfriend would do. Even though they weren't boyfriends, Younghoon still had been in love with him years, so anything he did with him would make him think of boyfriend things.

  
"You wouldn't mind? I don't want you going out of your way, we could always meet at the campus library, then go from there?" Changmin offered, making the route easier for the older male. It's something anyone would do for anyone, but Younghoon, on the other hand, found it endearing.

  
"Yeah, no, that's totally okay! I'll head over there now. Meet you there?" Younghoon replied, agreeing with the other as he stood up from his bed, grabbing the denim jacket and plain white shirt he chose to wear before heading towards his bathroom.

  
"Yes sir!" Changmin spoke enthusiastically. "Bye bye Younghoonieee, see you soon." He spoke once more seconds before hanging up.

  
God, Younghoon thought as he hung up the phone and slid it in his jeans pocket, I'm so screwed. His thoughts continued as he quickly changed before heading out to slip on his shoes.

  
As he began to tie his laces, Younghoon looked up from the chair he was sitting in and made eye contact with his moped's keys.

  
Normally, he'd take his moped anywhere he needed to, especially on campus as it was a lot better than walking. But, in this very, very, special case, Younghoon decided that he would 'accidentally' misplace his keys, just so he and Changmin would spend more time with one another.

  
So, like the genius he was, once done tying his shoes, Younghoon stood up and shifted a stack of papers on his desk over his keys, thus 'successfully' hiding them from plain sight.

  
Once he ingeniously hid his moped keys from plain sight, Younghoon grabbed his bag before heading out, and locking, the door.

  
***

  
The walk to the library was a blur to Younghoon, if he was being honest.

  
The entire time he was walking he couldn't help but think of someone, not just anyone someone, but the someone who was waiting for him at the library. That someone being none other than Ji Changmin.  
He knew he was waiting for him after receiving not one, not two, but three texts from the younger male.

 

 

from: The Most Handsome Ever {10:37 A.M}  
younghoon??? did you forget we were meeting at the campus library?? :-(

  
from: The Most Handsome Ever {10:37 A.M}  
younghoonieeeee~ answer my texts ᵔᴥᵔ

  
from: The Most Handsome Ever {10:38 A.M}  
if you dont answer you'll face my wraith !!!!! (ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ

 

 

Younghoon couldn't help but fall more in love, if even possible, with the other. Even over texts Younghoon thought Changmin was the cutest person to exist ever.

  
He replied, of course, Younghoon could never ignore the other in a million years. Changmin was too precious and cute to ignore, it'd be a sin for anyone to ignore him.

 

 

to: The Most Handsome Ever {10:40 A.M}  
almost there~ sorry got lost <3

 

To which the other replied a simple string of emojis, along with a oh so very threatening message telling the other that he better get there soon or else. Younghoon laughed at that.

  
No less than five minutes after that string of texts did Younghoon arrive to the campus library, making his way inside in attempt to find his shorter, super cute, friend.

  
Waving to the library attendant after walking in, Younghoon made his rounds and began searching for Changmin.

  
Now, yes, Changmin was small, short, and could easily hide from plain site, but Younghoon was tall and could pick the other out easily in a crowd of thousands of people. So why was it so hard to find for Younghoon to find Changmin as he maneuvered his way around the library.

  
Just as he was about to pull his phone out to text the other, something, or someone, grabbed his arm and yanked him in between two bookshelves, causing him to jump out of fright before turning to face the prankster.

  
"What the hell-" Younghoon went to exclaim loudly before a hand was place over his mouth.

  
"Shh!!" Changmin shushed the other, face red from obviously holding back laughter. "No loud noises! Kim Younghoon this is a library!" He whisper-shouted, still fighting back laughter from scaring the older male. "Did I scare you?"

  
Feigning innocence, Younghoon shook his head as the other removed his hand from his mouth.

  
"No!" Younghoon spoke loudly, jumping at how loud his voice was before clearing his throat, face turning red before he spoke. "I mean, no. You didn't scare me! I was, uh, just shocked." He lied, feeling embarrassed that he was scared so easily considering he, and his friends, thought of him to be this big-scary-puppy dog like person who wasn't scared of anything.

  
Shaking his head as the other spoke, Changmin let out a quiet laugh as a smile danced it's way onto his features.

  
"Someone's lyiiiiing." Changmin spoke in a sing-song tone, bouncing on his tip-toes as he spoke. "I scared the big, bad Younghoon." He continued with a smile.

  
Had this been anyone else, anyone in the world, even his best friend and roommate Juyeon, Younghoon would probably be fuming at this. But, considering it was the love of his life, and someone he held up so high, Younghoon couldn't help but find the other's excitement to be cute.

  
"Oh, ha-ha," He began pulling his arm from the other's grip. "Fineee, you scared me. Happy?" He spoke teasingly. "You caught me off guard, you won't get me so easily next time!" Younghoon fought back crossing his arms over his chest as a smirk replaced the look of shock.

  
"Oh we'll see about that." The younger male replied, taking his bag off of his back and shaking it in front of the other. "I've already got the books we needed. You were taking so long so I did this on my own." Changmin joked, bright, puppy like smile beaming from his features.

  
He was joking, and Younghoon knew that, but somehow the older male still felt bad, as if Changmin was actually upset with him.

  
"I'm sorry," He began, trying to figure out an excuse as to why he was late, "I, uh, walked here. I couldn't find my keys. I'm sorry, I won't le-" He began explaining, before being cut off.

  
"Younghoonie!!" Changmin spoke loudly, causing the other to jump, "I'm not actually upset!!! You could never, ever upset me!!" He further, nodding his head as if confirming his own words. "I was just jokin', really, don't be sad."

  
"Are you sure? I do feel kinda bad that I took so long, especially since I live closer to here than you do, yet you made it here before I did." Younghoon argued, genuinely feeling bad enough though he knew Changmin had only be joking.

  
"Yes! I promise, it's okay, really." Changmin spoke as he placed his bookbag back on his back, taking Younghoon's hand in his and shaking it as he spoke. "If I was upset I wouldn't be talking to you, and I love talking to you, so I'll never be upset." He spoke.

  
"I..." Younghoon uttered out, his mind wanting him to say a million things at once, but all he could focus on was Changmin's hand around his. "I, uh, I-"

  
"You....? You what?" Changmin spoke with a quiet laugh, waiting for the other to finish his sentence.

  
Coming back to reality, Younghoon did his best to ignore the others hand around his as he spoke.

  
"I think it's time we go, yeah? We really should get started." He spoke, gulping back any and all mushy feelings that threatened to spill out.

  
"Oh!" Changmin spoke, if he was disappointed that that's what Younghoon said, the older male didn't catch it. "Yeah, let's go, I have some ideas, I think, on what to do." Changmin nodded, letting go of Younghoon's hand as he made his way passed the other.

  
As his hand fell from Changmin's, Younghoon couldn't help but feel it had grew ten times as cold as it had originally been. Even though they weren't fully holding hands like Younghoon would've liked, but the feeling of Changmin's hand in his, or vice versa, was something Younghoon wanted to experience time and time again.

  
Turning from where he was standing, probably looking like a weirdo as he was just staring at his hand as if it was about to do a magic trick, Younghoon did his best to avoid the eyes of the other students, whether they were staring at him or not, and made his way to Changmin who was currently checking out the books they needed.

  
"Everything good here?" He spoke plainly, and if his voice sounded off neither Changmin or the library attendant noticed.

  
"Yes sir, your friend here seems to know what he's doing. I'm guessing this is a psychology assignment?" She spoke, exchanging a glance between Changmin and Younghoon.

  
"Yeah! We're partners, so we're gonna go study for it." Changmin answered brightly and so matter-of-factly, seemingly not realizing that he just called them partners.

  
Maybe Younghoon was overthinking it, and he probably was cause, well, he's Younghoon, but hearing Changmin refer to the two of them as partners made his heart grow three times it's size. But at the same time, it also made him nervous, as he didn't want the library attendant, or anyone around to get the wrong idea and start bullying Changmin. That's the last thing he wanted, as Changmin was too pure to be bullied by horrid people.

  
"Best of luck to the both of you! You both enjoy and don't work yourself too hard, okay?" The attendant spoke again, handing the final book over the Changmin, a bright smile on her face

.  
The two bowed and thanked the attendant before turning and making their way out of the library, standing in front as Changmin shifted through his bag once more to make sure he got everything he needed.

  
"All set?" Younghoon asked as Changmin began to zip up his bag, earning a nod from the other.

  
"Are you sure Juyeon won't mind that I was in your dorm? I don't want him feeling like I invaded his personal space or anything." Changmin asked, slipping the bookbag back over his shoulders, pouting a bit as he looks down to the ground.

  
"He'll be okay, he's spending the entire day with someone he likes, so he won't care at all, I promise." Younghoon reassured the other, reaching over to pat his back. "Now c'mon, we gotta go, we need to get some studying in before I get too hungry and make us stop for lunch." Younghoon spoke, half joking half serious, as he knew he was bound to get hungry eventually and was aware that working and being hungry did NOT mix well with him.

  
"Yeah, you're right, I'm gonna get hungry too soon, so we should do as much work as we can beforehand." Changmin agreed, nodding once before making his way out of the entrance to the library, which Younghoon quickly followed, pointing him in the direction they were going to be going.

  
***

  
They had only been walking for a little over five minutes when Changmin pointed out the dark grey clouds over head, and began to worry that they might get rained on, thus resulting in him getting wet.

  
"Younghoooon, of all days you had to lose your keys today?!" He whined, leaning on Younghoon as the walked, which caused the older male's heart to skip a beat.

  
"You're worrying too much, it's not gonna rain, I promise, if it does then I'll do the entire project for us myself." Younghoon said, jokingly of course, but something told him that if it did rain, Changmin would hold him to his words.

  
Another whine emitted from the other who was now tugging at his arm playfully. "What if I get rained on? I'll melt! I'm like that Witch from Wizard of Oz!" Changmin complained, being over-dramatic as usual.

  
"Dude, I promise, it's not gonna-" Younghoon spoke before a roar of thunder rang out, startling the two males, more specifically causing Changmin to grip Younghoon's hand, seconds before water began falling from the sky.

  
"See! I told you!" Changmin hollered, using his hand to try and shield himself from the rain, groaning cause he was gonna be soaked.

  
Quickly, Younghoon removed his jacket and handed it to the other, telling him to put it on over his bag so he wouldn't get as wet, to which the other complained before doing it anyway.

  
"We need to get to the dorms, I'm gonna be soaked." Younghoon laughed, speeding up his walk, thus causing Changmin to speed up as well, who didn't want to be left behind.

  
"C'mon dude we need to walk faster!" Changmin yelled, gripping the older man's hand as he began running, tugging Younghoon along behind him.

  
"Slow down!" Younghoon yelled out in a laugh, running alongside the other, "We might slip!" He laughed out, still doing his best to keep up the pace with the younger male, not wanting their hands to accidentally slip apart as they ran together in the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed<3 Kudos and comments are always greatly appreciated!! I promise the next update won't take a million years!!


	7. if you look deep inside your heart (you’ll find a new world)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thankfully his knight in shining armor Younghoon was there to save him from face planting and any injuries that would've come along with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it!! Happy Holidays!!! I hope you all enjoy this chapter as it's been one of my favorites to write!! <3<3

Running in the rain is nice and freeing.

  
Well, that's how it appears in the movies anyway. As for real life, it's messy, super draining, and very dangerous.

  
Changmin himself knows this first hand due to him slipping not only once, but twice and nearly kissing the concrete beneath them. Thankfully his knight in shining armor Younghoon was there to save him from face planting and any injuries that would've come along with it.

  
Once under the safety of Younghoon's dorm roof, Changmin found himself falling into the other, who caught him just as gracefully, as a wave of exhaustion flew through him.

  
"Are you really that tired?" Younghoon questioned, hoisting the other back up on his own two feet. "We were only out there for like, two minutes." He furthered, laughing as the younger male shook his head in attempts to dry it.

  
"No! I just hate being wet, more specifically, I hate wearing wet clothes, they make me feel so heavy, and I'm a tiny person!! I could fall." Changmin explained, shrugging off Younghoon's jacket and his bookbag, pulling it to the front of him to examine the contents. "If these are soaked we're screwed." Changmin huffed out, a small pout forming as he unzipped the bookbag, anxiety wafting through him as he was genuinely worried about the books.

  
"They were protected by my jacket, and your bookbag. Plus, we weren't even out in the rain for that long." Younghoon spoke in an attempt to calm the other of any possible nerves.

  
"We're soaked!" Changmin exclaimed, looking up from the bag, his wet hair falling in front of his eyes as he eyed the taller male before looking back into the bag.

  
After about five more seconds of shuffling a single hand through the bag, Changmin retracted his arm and zipped up the bag before letting out a sigh of relief.

  
"Everything's fine." Changmin said, bright smile back on his face as he slung the bag over his shoulders once again, folding Younghoon's jacket over his arm.

  
"I told you so! I happen to be very smart, you know." Younghoon teased, pushing the other playfully before looking down at their feet. "C'mon let's go, we need to change into drier clothes." Younghoon informed as he made his way down the hallway, his feet squeaking with each step he took.

  
Changmin followed right behind, smile still bright as ever as his feet too squeaked with each step he took.

  
Today had been going so well, Changmin thought as he followed the taller male down the hall, not caring all that much that he was soaked pretty much from head to toe.

  
Things felt more....free, is how Changmin described it. The days before had been everything between awkward and sad. He didn't want today to be like that, he wanted the older male to know that he was more than comfortable around him. Especially since during Younghoon's breakdown at the park, Changmin wanted him to know that, gay or not, he was still his friend and still wanted nothing more to be around him.

  
It was the little things, Changmin thought, that made people know you were yourself around them and that they could be themselves around you.

  
For instance, Changmin is a very affectionate person, anyone would tell anyone that. If he wasn't holding hands, latching on, and showing any sort of affectionate to someone, then you knew either something was off, or that he wasn't comfortable around the other.

  
Changmin found himself growing increasingly more comfortable with Younghoon, especially after their talk the day prior. He found himself feeling more and more confident as well, which resulted in his prank at the library as well as the hand holding that took place on multiple occasions.

  
The younger did his best to compose himself each time he laced his fingers with the other's, hoping that on the outside he looked just as confident as he wanted to, while on the inside his heart was racing at a million miles an hour.

  
Confidence is something you had to learn to have, Changmin realized. You can feel confident and bold in the moment, but the second you act out with said confidence, your walls come down and you're just that same love struck guy you were moments ago.

  
If Younghoon noticed that Changmin was clearly not as confident as he intended to be, he didn't say anything about it, nor did he seem to mind at all, which made Changmin's chest bloom with warmth.

  
"...Changmin?" Younghoon's voice rang out, dragging him from his thoughts before realizing that he was in fact zoned out right in front of the other's room, the other standing in the doorway.

  
"I..." Changmin began, trying to think of something, anything, to say to the other. "Sorry. I, uh, was just thinking about if I left anything at my dorm." He finally got out all in one breath, smiling once more before looking up to the other.

  
"Ah, I thought something was wrong." Younghoon replied, oblivious as always, which was something the younger couldn't help but find endearing. "Well come on in, please don't mind the mess, Juyeon was so worried about what to wear." Younghoon spoke, entering into his dorm, referencing the mess of clothes that most certainly did not belong to Juyeon.

  
Following behind Younghoon, Changmin decided to look around the older's room, eyes darting around each corner as if he had to take in every little detail or he was gonna die.

  
He wasn't just in any room. Changmin was in the Kim Younghoon's room. The infamous Kim Younghoon who he's found himself pinning over for as long as he could remember.

  
In the moment, everything felt like a dream until he bummed into the edge of one of the beds in Younghoon's dorm, bringing from his thoughts to notice Younghoon had has his back turned, shuffling through his backpack looking for God knows what.

  
"You know, I don't really remember what the rubric asked for on the project." Younghoon spoke, still shuffling through his bag, turning his head a bit to speak over his shoulder at the younger male. "I'm....not the best at paying attention." He furthered, laughing to himself before pulling two books and a notebook from his bag, turning to face the other.

  
Younghoon's laugh, Changmin thought, had got to be one of the best sounds he had ever heard in his entire life. Everything about it was just, for lack of better words, perfect. The noise caused warmth to spread through Changmin's chest as his heart did that flip-flop thing he noticed happened each time he thought of the taller male.

  
"It's not a midterm, or anything, so I think it's just a simple project, I can't find my rubric, so I'm hoping you brought yours, if not, well, we're screwed." Younghoon huffed out, moving to sit on the floor with his books out in front of him, tossing his bag to the side.

  
Right as he was about to sit down, Changmin became very aware that both he and Younghoon were still in their wet clothes, in a carpeted room. Not wanting to cause any further mess, Changmin spoke up.

  
"Um, I'm not as soaked as you but we're both still wet, and the floor's carpet, won't it mess it up?" He spoke, voice soft and quiet as if speaking was gonna cause some form of tension between the two.

  
Younghoon, who was already seating on the floor, too became very aware that he was soaked and jumped up prior to running over to his dresser.

  
"My shirt is the only thing that's super soaked, so I think I'll be fine." He spoke, pulling a few shirts out of his dresser, examining which he wanted to wear before putting the other back in, keeping the one he wanted to wear, and one in his other hand.

  
Upon turning around he tossed the other shirt he grabbed towards Changmin, who scrambled to catch it out of pure shock.

  
Why was Younghoon giving him a shirt? Was he holding it for him in case he didn't like the one he was gonna put on?

  
Right as the younger was about to question it, Younghoon, without hesitation, pulled off his soaked shirt had been wearing, thus revealing his full frame. Which caused Changmin's heart to speed up abnormally fast, and in that moment he felt like he was going to die right then and there.

  
Younghoon, who seemed completely unaware, of, well, most things, gave the other a confused look as he slipped on his new, dry, shirt.

  
"Changmin? You okay?" He questioned, making his way back to where he had been previously sat, seconds before plopping back down in that exact same spot, looking up at the younger male. "Do you not like the shirt?" He questioned tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy.

  
"No!" Changmin exclaimed, albeit a little too loudly. "I just, are you sure it'll fit me?" He asked, laughing nervously as he held it out in front of him, looking at it. "I am really small, and you are not, so this shirt might just swallow me whole."

  
"Just wear it," Younghoon started, looking back down to his books, "it'll look cute, if anything, I'm sure you won't disappear, I'm not that big." He continued, flipping through a notebook.

  
"Y-Yeah, okay." Changmin said, quickly turning around, not to hide his body as he changed shirts, but to hide the blush that was spreading across his cheeks.

  
Younghoon had called him cute.

  
No.

  
Younghoon had called him cute _again_.

  
If seeing Younghoon shirtless didn't kill him, that combined with being called cute again would sure do the trick.

  
Not wanting to just stand around and make things possible more awkward, Changmin quickly removed his shirt prior to tossing it on top of Younghoon's jacket, which he had placed by the door where carpet wasn't present. Once having the piece of fabric over his head he began to realize just how small he was.

  
Looking down, the younger realized how long and baggy the shirt looked on him, it was almost the length of a normal sized dress, he thought. Along with that he realized the sleeves were so long that he if didn't roll them up, his hands would be hidden entirely.

  
Normally, Changmin wouldn't go out of his way to wear clothes that weren't his size, especially clothes that were twice his size. But there was something warming and comforting about this shirt, Younghoon's shirt, that made him feel perfectly safe in it.

  
"Changminnie?" Younghoon's voice called, making Changmin realize he, not only was still standing facing away from the other, but that he had his eyes closed, reveling in the feeling of Younghoon's shirt.

  
Turning around, albeit a little too quickly, Changmin smiled brightly before stretching his arms out, showcasing the shirt to Younghoon.

  
"So? Does it look good? I feel like it's wearing me, more-so than I am wearing it." Changmin asked, trying to make it seems like he wasn't just enjoying the fact he was wearing the other's shirt.

  
Younghoon gave the other a quick up-and-down glance before looking back down to his notebooks.

  
"It looks okay." He muttered clearing his throat right after, reaching off to the side, grabbing a pen and circling a few things in his notebook. "I think we could focus our project around how people react in different surroundings and enviornments. Would that be good for the project, you think?" Younghoon questioned, not even looking up once.

  
Feeling a bit sad that, not only was Changmin not getting complimented for a shirt Younghoon gave him, but also cause he just wasn't getting the other's attention, especially since, hello, he always wanted the other male's attention, Changmin let out a huff before whining as if he was about to throw a tantrum.

  
"Younghooooooon," He spoke, drawing out the latter part of the others name, "you didn't even look! It's swallowing me, literally, look! The sleeves hang off my hands see!!" Changmin spoke excitingly, shaking his arms until the sleeves fell over his hands. "I think it's cute! What do you think??" He furthered, wanting another compliment from the other.

  
Finally looking up, and giving a full over look at the other, the older spoke.

  
"It looks cute on you, on me it just looks like a normal shirt." Younghoon commented as a smile was quick spread across his expression, accompanied by blush as well, that Changmin was quick to take note of.

  
"You're blushing!" Changmin exclaimed, now pointing at Younghoon, who's brows furrowed before he put his hand up to his cheeks, feeling the warmth, only to immediately jump up.

  
"I'm not! It's just....It's hot in here, stupid Juyeon keeps turning the fan off." The older brunette huffed as he passed the other, flipping a switch causing the ceiling fan above them to turn on.

  
Grinning, Changmin was pleased not only over the fact that Younghoon complimented him, but also pleased with himself for flustering the other.

  
In the long run, Changmin knew there was a high chance that flirting with the other, unknowing Younghoon would ever look at him the same he looks at him, was only gonna get his hopes up even more, especially since Younghoon ultimately seems okay with the actions.

  
But, a little voice in the back of Changmin's mind spoke that maybe it won't end in heartbreak. Not all unrequited loves have to end sadly, maybe he could be entirely content with just loving Younghoon, even if feelings weren't returned.

  
There's a poem that Changmin's friend, Sunwoo, recommended him a little bit ago. He couldn't remember the entire thing, but one line stuck out like a sore thumb whenever he thought of Younghoon.

  
_"I, now even without you, can keep my affection for you."_

  
Which, to Changmin, means that affection, love, anything that related to it, doesn't always have to be requited. Now whether or not that was something he just told himself at night when he was feeling like an utter fool was a different story.

  
But right now, in the moment, Changmin felt like it was okay.

  
"....Is that okay with you?" Younghoon voice registered in Changmin's head, realizing that he yet again zoned out and missed Younghoon talking to him.

  
"I'm sorry...What'd you say?" Changmin spoke in a quiet voice, now feeling a bit embarrassed as that wasn't the first time Younghoon caught him zoning out that day.

  
Laughing, shaking his head while doing so, Younghoon held up his phone.

  
"I was asking if you'd be okay with me putting on some music so we don't just work in silence for the next few hours." The older male spoke again, expression innocent as ever, showcasing that he most likely wasn't upset of Changmin zoning out.

  
"Yes! I'd, uh, actually really like that. I love listening to music when I work." Changmin answered smile once again resurfaced, "I usually listen to girl groups, so, I hope you listen to them too, otherwise this is gonna be really awkward." Changmin joked, causing the other to laugh once more before turning to the nightstand where his iHome speakers were.

  
Messing around it for a few seconds before it finally coming to life, Younghoon placed his phone where it was meant to go before pressing play only for Sunmi's 'Siren' began playing.

  
"Is this good? I heard you say once in class talk about how you liked the song, and that you were practically begging your dance instructor to let your class learn the choreo to it." Younghoon admitted shyly, reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck, probably feeling embarrassed for knowing something about Changmin before even actually talking to him.

  
"I love it! It's one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artists!!" Changmin explained, happily bouncing on his toes. "Also, you listened to me talk in class? How come you never came up and spoke to me?" Changmin asked, his normal smile turning into a more sly one.

  
As blush, yet again, made it's way on to Younghoon's cheeks, and even the tips of his years, Changmin couldn't help but let out a laugh as he patted the others shoulder, explaining that he was only joking and that it's was perfectly fine.

  
After that, the two seated themsevles back onto the ground, right across from each other as they began discussing the possibility of what they could do for their project, before deciding on Younghoon's original idea of comparing how people react to different things in different scenarios and surroundings, and then explaining the reasoning as to why.

  
Halfway through, Younghoon, poor, kinda dumb, Younghoon, realized that he been doing his side of the project in first person, rather than second or third, like Changmin had explained in the beginning, before explaining that he really didn't know there was a difference.

  
"How do you not know??" Changmin asked, nearly toppling over from laughter, holding himself up with one arm as he used the other to wipe a tear from his eye.

  
"I don't know!!! I wasn't really thinking!!" Younghoon defended himself, clearly flustered about the whole. "I promise I'm not dumb!! I'm really not." He explained, feigning a frown.

  
"Don't frown!!" Changmin said, positioning himself to where he was sitting with his knees folded underneath him, reaching across to Younghoon, poking at his cheeks to life his face up into a smile. "Only smiles!! It's cute that you didn't know!!" He explained further, playfully shoving the other as he leaned back away from him.

  
The other, Changmin thought, seemed to react well to that as his fake frowned turned up into a shy smile as he hide his face from the other.

  
Younghoon liked affection and compliments, Changmin was well aware of that, and if using that to his advantaged let him see this side of Younghoon then so be it.

Changmin liked this side of the other, it was cute and endearing and Changmin found himself falling more and more in love with him.

  
"Can I change the song?" Changmin asked, at random almost, realizing that if he didn't say anything he was bound to spill everything he was thinking in that moment and that was not the best idea.

  
"Huh?" Younghoon questioned, single brow raised as he looked up the Changmin, who was now standing up.

  
"Now look who's zoning out!!" Changmin playfully spoke, teasing the other. "I said, 'Can I change the song?' It's an instrumental, and I don't like instrumentals all that much." He continued, walking away from the mess of their work they had spread around the floor beneath them.

  
"Oh yeah, sure, go ahead!" Younghoon said, bright smile ever so present on his face before looking back down to his work.

  
Nodding once to himself, the younger brunette made his way over to the iHome speakers, pulling the others phone from it and unlocking it.

  
Surprisingly, there was no lock.

  
As he was scrolling through the music in Younghoon's library, Changmin accidentally managed to close out from the music app, sighing and cursing to himself, he scrolled through the several pages of apps Younghoon had before spotting the one labeled for music and clicking on it.

  
Unknowingly, though, Changmin had clicked on Younghoon's contacts, thus showcasing all of Younghoon's contacts to him. None really caught his eye, however, until he got to one with the name as 'The Most Handsome Ever'.

  
"Who's 'The Most Handsome Ever'?" Changmin asked, looking over to Younghoon, who's head shot up instantly.

  
"What?" He questioned, emitting a gulp at he looked to the boy and to his phone. "Who's who?" He asked again, now standing up.

  
"I asked who 'The Most Handsome Ever' is. They're a name in your phone, I accidentally clicked on contacts so I wanna know who." He explained so matter-of-factly, making his way back over to where he was previously seated.

  
Quickly, Younghoon tried snatching his phone away, only for Changmin's cat-lie reflexes to kick in and hold the phone away from, holding it up as high as he could, even standing on his tip-toes.

  
"Tell me who it is!!" Changmin playfully teased, holding the phone even further from the other as Younghoon stepped across their pile of work, nearly being chest to chest with the other.

  
"It's no one!! I promise, just give me my phone back Changmin!!" Younghoon strained as he reached back to try and grab his phone.

  
"Clearly it's not!" Changmin spoke, still laughing as he questioned the other, not really noticing that the other was actually worried a bit.

  
In a final attempt to reach for the phone, Younghoon managed to push Changmin too far back against the bed, causing his legs to give out thus making both him and Younghoon fall back on the bed again, with Younghoon hovering over the younger, both unaware of the fact that as they fell, Changmin pressed the call option on the the other's phone.

  
As Changmin turned to look at the phone in his hand, seeing that it was calling, he had no time to react before his phone began ringing, which only caused his heart to face. Once looking back to Younghoon it seemed all the color had drained from his face as he just stared at him.

  
"It...It's me?" Changmin questioned, eyes wide and heart pounding as color returned to the other's expression in the form of blush with Taeyeon's 11:11 playing in the background.

  
"Younghoon?" He spoke, wanting some form of reaction from the other, he needed the other to say something, anything, cause in that moment his entire world was beginning to crash down. "Younghoon-ie?" Changmin spoke again, the sound of his heart pounding louder than ever as he peered up to the other. "Is every-" He began to speak once again before the other cut him off.

  
**_"Can I kiss you?"_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you watched The Boyz's new mv yet? You should it's so good!! Stream "No Air" !!!
> 
> Also, as always, kudos and comments are always appreciated <3


	8. this pressures new (there are things i can't tell you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bro!!! It finally happened oh my god!!" Juyeon continued, obviously not getting the social cues Younghoon was throwing out.  
> "Juyeon, please, you don't under-" Younghoon tried to get out, tried to explain what was going on, not wanting Juyeon to say anything he shouldn't, not to reveal anything he, normally, would think twice about revealing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!!! welcome back to a new update on my favorite fic i've ever worked on. seriously i love this fic so much, i know it probably doesnt seem like as my long wait between updates but i promise you it's one of my favorite things ive ever written !!!
> 
> i know i say this every update but i ~promise~ the next update wont take a million years, ive been in such a mood for writing as of late that i nearly split this chapter into two cause of how much there is 
> 
> as always, any kudos and comments are appreciated and thank you so much for reading my fic ~

Sometimes, Younghoon's mouth works quicker than his brain. At times, he found himself saying things that he didn't really mean to say.

  
Examples are as followed:

  
There was the time his Aunt asked if the food she had made for the family reunion was good or not, to which he quickly, and absentmindedly, replied a "No" that ultimately earned him several stares from around the room, and even a slight slap on the back of his head from his mother.

  
And of course who could forget the time that Younghoon made fun of his friend Eric, whom was younger than him, and instantly felt bad upon realizing the younger didn't realize what he said was a joke. All Younghoon had wanted to do was joke around and have fun with him, and he ended up hurting his feelings. From then on he began working on his own personal filter, something, he realized, that not many people worried on doing for themselves.

  
Oh, and of course there's the time he _asked the love of his life to kiss him_ in the most **_awkward_ ** of circumstances, both pressed against each other on the bed, a very compromising position that if Juyeon, or anyone, walked in on they'd immediately think something was happening. Then again, Younghoon was trying to make something happen. At least his subconscious was, anyway.

  
Only, however, he didn't expect the other to mutter a reply, instead he expected the other to shove him off of him and run out in disgust, never wanting to see him again. Even the thought of that happening terrified Younghoon. What would he do if the love of his life just....ran out on him? Left him, metaphorically, out in the cold? Never to speak to him again? It would, quite literally, kill Younghoon, if not fuck him up to a extreme extent.

  
But thankfully, that wasn't the case, as said before the younger muttered the smallest and quietest of replies, eyes eagerly looking up at the other.

  
"W-What?" Younghoon spoke, breath shaky as he searched the other's face beneath him for any sign of anger, confusion, or disappointment. "What'd you say?" He questioned again, gulping down any nervous trying to work it's way up into his voice.

  
"I..." Changmin muttered, voice shaky, clearly the younger of the two let the nervousness conquer his voice. "I said, 'Yes'." He spoke softly, his breath grazing the taller male's skin, causing goose-bumps to spread.

  
Younghoon's mind was whirling. Every thought he had ever had, every feeling he ever felt, all the words he wanted to say, sped through his brain like a freight train. There were so many things he wanted to ask the other, there was even more things he wanted to tell the other, but all that his mind was allowing him to do in the moment was lean down ever so slowly with slightly parted lips, en route to the other's.

  
Kissing Changmin had been something on Younghoon's mind since the very first time he laid eyes on the other. Everything about the fairy-like individual was so breath-taking, Younghoon thought.

  
Even when the epitome of an asshole, Lee Juyeon himself, made fun of how Changmin looked back in high school, Younghoon didn't care. He never cared what anyone thought about him, to Younghoon, he was perfect. Yes, even his freakishly long neck, Younghoon found endearing.

  
" _Maybe this is what love does to people._ " Younghoon had told Juyeon one night, both of them spending the night in Juyeon's backyard, looking up at the stars and just talking.

  
So now, _finally_ being in the moment, _finally_ being able to kiss Changmin, Younghoon felt like he was on top of the world.

  
And as his lips pressed ever so softly with the other's, sparks flying and love spreading throughout both of their beings, Younghoon felt like there was nothing in the world that could ruin this moment, he was in love, and there was no stopping him.

  
That is, however, until the sound of his obnoxious, loud, annoying, roommate swinging their shared dorm door open, shouting, rang out through the room, and probably the halls as well.

  
"DUDE! YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHAT HAPP- Oh my GOD?!" Juyeon shouted, taking in the scene before him, eyes wide and jaw dropped.

  
The shouting alerted the older, causing Younghoon to break the kiss, pushing himself off of Changmin as well as the bed, both hands held up as if telling the other 'please don't'.

  
Changmin, on the other hand, was still in a bit of a daze, and only realized what was happening until Younghoon's lips were no longer on his. Once the kiss was broke, Changmin immediately lifted a hang up to graze his own lips, still able to feel what it was like when the other had been kissing him.

  
"Bro!!! It finally happened oh my god!!" Juyeon continued, obviously not getting the social cues Younghoon was throwing out.

  
"Juyeon, please, you don't under-" Younghoon tried to get out, tried to explain what was going on, not wanting Juyeon to say anything he shouldn't, not to reveal anything he, normally, would think twice about revealing.

  
"You finally told him you liked him???" Juyeon questioned, closing the door behind him, smile bright on his face as if he wasn't causing Younghoon's entire world to fall apart. "Thank GOD, dude, I was starting to worry you'd be a lovesick puppy for the rest of your life." Juyeon continued, looking between the two. "Well??" He questioned as if expecting a reply from one or the other about his comments.

  
Sitting up Changmin's heart was beginning to pound out of his chest. He didn't know what to think, mind still spinning from having Younghoon's lips against his, even if for the shortest period of time.

  
Looking between Changmin and his roommate, Younghoon felt his face heating up, embarrassment coursing through his veins, nervousness capturing his voice, removing his ability to speak, worried about what he might say.

  
Yes, it was true Younghoon liked Changmin, anyone with eyes could see that. And, yes, Juyeon did walk in on them kissing, and _yes_ , Younghoon was the one who initiated the kiss. But that all happened in a daze, Younghoon's mind and perception had been so cloudy in that moment. Clouded by love, lust, anything, you name it.

  
Everything that happened began to dawn on him and register in his mind, he even began to question himself.

  
Had Changmin even said yes? Younghoon remembered that there had been whispering, but he couldn't quite remember what the other had actually said.

  
And, _Oh God_. Younghoon thought. _Changmin knows I like him. He knows I'm gay_. Younghoon's mind began whirling again, this time for all the wrong reasons.

  
What if Changmin _didn't_ say yes and that Younghoon just kissed him anyway?? And now the other knew he was gay?? What if he was disgusted? What if he was in such a state of shock and that's why he wasn't saying anything?

  
Or _worse_ what if Changmin had said yes but only cause he felt awkward if he had said no? That he didn't like Younghoon that way but felt pressured into saying yes? Younghoon began feeling terrible, his stomach churning and he felt like he needed to die then and there.

  
Looking between the two, realizing, reality _finally_ dawning on him, Juyeon began to notice something was awry.

  
"Wait...did I..." Juyeon muttered, trying to find the words to say as he clearly let his mouth work faster than his mind. "Wait, shit, Younghoon, I'm sor-" He tried to rush out, only for the other to cut him off.

  
"I need to go. Now." Younghoon spoke in a hurry, practically running passed the taller male, swinging open the door and bolting down the hall.

 

~

  
Realistically, Younghoon knew that running wasn't the best thing to do, for multiple reasons.

  
The most obvious reason being that he ran from _his_ own dorm. That's where all of his belongings and clothes were, he would have to go back there eventually. He'd have to face Juyeon again, and maybe even Changmin if the other took it upon himself to not leave the room until he returned.

  
However, the hollering of his name in the distance coming from a very familiar voice that belonged to a certain fairy-like individual followed by the sounds of footsteps that weren't his that echoed through the halls proved that Changmin was doing anything but waiting in the dorm for him to come back.

  
Another reason he knew running wasn't the best option was that, well, physical activity wasn't his strong suit. Sure he was fit and able-bodied but when it came to stamina, he wasn't so good with it. Younghoon was well aware that he'd eventually grow tired and come to a halt, and he had hoped the younger would give up chase before that happened.

  
And finally, the last reason he knew running wasn't the best idea due to the fact that Changmin had very much so chased him before and sure enough he was doing it again, following Younghoon out of his dorm building, and towards the football fields. _Yes_ , Younghoon had looked over his shoulder to check.

  
Logically, Younghoon was well aware that if Changmin had been disgusted, ashamed, or disappointed with him, he wouldn't have been chasing after him. Well, unless it was to beat him up, but he knew the other well enough that he wouldn't do that. Or so he hoped, anyway.

  
But nerves got the better of him, outweighing any and all logic he tried to present to himself and metaphorically tossing it out the window

  
Apparently when your mind is going a million miles an hour it decides that registering any and all changes in the ground beneath is the last thing ones self would be worried about, as, in the midst of Younghoon's panic, didn't notice the slight dip of the ground leading down to the fields, thus causing him to misstep and fall, tumbling down the slope of the hill before coming to a rest just at the edge of the field itself.

  
_Great. Just great._ Younghoon thought, laying on the ground, body aching as he tried to find the strength to get up.

  
Rolling over onto his back, eyes blurred from the tears threatening their way down his cheeks, Younghoon heard, yet again, the distance shouting of a voice he grew to love so much, or well, maybe it was the possible head trauma that made it sound far away, the currently, possibly, injured Younghoon couldn't tell. Only this time however, he didn't want to face the person that came with that voice. He felt ashamed.

  
Sure, yeah the fall was bad enough but that wouldn't outweigh everything that happened back in the dorms, would it? That's how Younghoon's, albeit blurred and clouded, state of mind went about it, thinking that the younger of the two was either gonna yell at him about kissing him, or yell at him about running away. Either way, Younghoon ultimately felt ashamed of himself.

  
Hearing, or maybe feeling, again, Younghoon's mind wasn't in the best state, a small thud next to him, assuming it was none other than Ji Changmin himself, Younghoon turned his head away, not wanting to face him, he wasn't ready for whatever the other was bound to say. He wasn't ready for the ultimate disappointment if Changmin was to say they couldn't be friends anymore.

  
Most importantly, he did not want to talk about anything that happened in the dorms, he just wanted to forget everything that happened. If Younghoon had his way, he could hit a redo button that would set both of them back to the library earlier that day so things could go so differently.

  
"Younghoon?! Younghoon?! Are you okay???" Younghoon could hear Changmin question.

  
The younger was worried. He was panicked. It pulled at Younghoon's heartstrings but he couldn't bare facing him. Maybe if he just laid here Changmin would think he died and leave him. Again, it's not logical, but Younghoon could die from embarrassment right about now.

  
"Sit up, you need to sit up, okay?" Changmin's voice pierced his ears again, followed by the feeling of being lifted up. For someone as small and, for lack of better wording, 'twinkish' as Changmin, he sure was able to lift the older upright.

  
Now as he was sitting up, Younghoon still had his gaze fixated away from the younger. How was he meant to face him? With his head, somewhat, clearing up, Younghoon knew how foolish he looked, he always knew, but that doesn't mean he had to listen to himself.

  
He was a fool.

  
But what if he wasn't? What if everything he had been feeling was correct and Changmin was only worried cause he felt like he had to be?

  
As the feeling of two small and delicate hands so gracefully clasped his face, Younghoon was pulled from his thoughts as his head was now being turned to face to very last person he wanted to see in the moment.

  
_Ji Changmin_.

  
Expecting a face expressing disgust, annoyance, and disappointment, Younghoon was shocked when he was met with one full of worry. The younger's brows were furrowed as his eyes quickly scanned the other's face, Younghoon assumed he was searching for any scraps and bruises of any kind. He didn't think he had any, surely he would've felt if he did right?

  
Wrong.

  
The softest, yet most worried, gasp he had ever heard in his lift caused his ears to perk up as he finally locked eyes with the other.

  
"You're bleeding! Your forehead is bleeding!" Changmin spoke in a high pitched tone, pulling back his hands to lift his sleeve over his hand before pressing it to the wound, causing Younghoon to wince.

  
_Yeah. That definitely hurt_. He thought to himself, attempting to pull back from the other, but the fairy-like boy in front of him was holding him still, hand gripping the back of his as he applied the pressure to the wound.

  
"We need to get you the the campus nurse, is she here today? Do you know?" Changmin asked, eyes again locked with the other as he questioned him. "Oh, God, do you even know where you are? How many fingers am I holding up?" Changmin panicked, pulling back his free hand and holding up three fingers.

  
"Three..." Younghoon spoke, his voice dry, all liquid in his body trying to form themselves into tears, which, Younghoon was surprised he was holding back so well. Or maybe he wasn't, he didn't know he was bleeding so who's to say he would know if he was crying?

  
Oh, right, Changmin would know.

  
"You're crying, how badly are you hurt? Can you walk?" Changmin spoke, practically jumping to his feet as he tried to pull the taller male up, which, of course, he was unsuccessful in doing so. "I know you're hurt but I need you to work with me, yeah?" He grunted, still doing his best to pull the other up.

  
Allowing the other to bring him to his feet, Younghoon groaned in pain as both feet were planted firmly on the ground, wincing as he nearly stumbled back as pain shot from his ankle up his leg.

  
"What's wrong?!" Changmin asked, looking the older male up and down, "Is it your foot? Is it hurt?" He questioned, getting a nod in return from Younghoon. "We need to get you to the nurse, or do you think you need to go to the hospital?" He furthered, tossing one of Younghoon's arms over his shoulders, doing his best to steady the both of them.

  
The last thing Younghoon wanted to do was have to confront a nurse or doctor and explain what happened. How do you tell someone you freaked out after kissing the love of your life and ran away like a five year old which ultimately resulting in you tumbling down a hill? If anything that'd triple his embarrassment and make him, quiet literally, die on spot.

  
So, with that being said, Younghoon immediately shook his head no in response to Changmin's inquiries, pointing back towards the dorm buildings.

  
"I just wanna go lay down." Younghoon said, voice small and sheepish, thinking that none of this had to have happened if he could just, for lack of better wording, grow-a-pair and admit that everything that transpired in his room was true. He was ashamed of himself, feeling as if everything he had been working so hard to achieve had crumbled and that after this, the two of them would just be acquaintances who have semi-awkward encounters from here on out.

  
Younghoon hated the mere thought of it, but was nearly certain that that was bound to happen no matter what he did or said. Unbeknownst to Younghoon, however, he was always a little over-dramatic.

  
"Younghoon, you're hurt. Like, there's blood, I don't think you can just 'lay down' at this point. Like, you might have a concussion." Changmin explained, clearly thinking he had the better thought process between the two at the time, and to be fair, he did, as he wasn't the one who tumbled down a hill and bumped his head a few times.

  
"Please, I just want to lay down." Younghoon replied again, voice weaker, if possible, as he took a good step forward, trying to move the two along only to remember that his ankle was in fact injured. "God, damn it." He groaned, ignoring the feeling of warmth blooming through his chest at the feeling of the younger's hand splayed across his chest, holding him upright.

  
"I just need to lay down, take some medication, and I'll be okay, please." He spoke again, practically begging at this point.

  
Sighing, Changmin knew there was no arguing with Younghoon, at least at this point, maybe a different time in the future when one of them isn't currently bleeding from his head.

  
"Fine, but I'm gonna stay with you, okay? I know Juyeon's there but I want to make sure you're okay." Changmin nodded along with his words, speaking so matter-of-factly in a this-is-gonna-happen-cause-I-say-so sort of way.

  
Younghoon only nodded in reply, the warmth blooming in his chest becoming greater by the second, Changmin's words giving him a seemingly false sense of security that, hey, maybe everything will be fine, he was worried to speak, afraid of what words might wiggle their way out if giving the chance.

  
_He's only doing this cause he feels bad_. Younghoon thought to himself as they hobbled along en route to the dorm buildings again.

  
Thankfully there wasn't many people out and about, and to any unknowing person it probably just looked like Changmin was helping his drunk friend back to his room. They were in college, friends helping their drunk friends walk wasn't something uncommon, but Younghoon didn't take into account that his cheeks were most definitely tear stained and that he was bleeding from his head.

  
Once getting back to the dorms, Younghoon noticed that Juyeon was no where to be found.

  
He must've left cause you made him feel bad, idiot. Younghoon thought to himself his self-hatred growing more and more by the second as Changmin helped him down onto his bed, standing upright after making sure the taller of the two was situated.

  
"Medicine, do you have any in your bathroom?" Changmin asked, turning and pointing at the room before turning back to Younghoon. "Or...well..anywhere in here?" He questioned, looking around on the desk behind him, opening and closing drawers in the process. "If not, I can run to my room. I have a whole first aid kit and medicine. I can be Doctor Changmin." The younger spoke with a laugh, assumingly trying to make the other feel better with comedy.

  
"I don't," Younghoon lied, well aware that there was some in his bathroom, Juyeon, playing sports and all, constantly needed them for when he injured himself on the court doing whatever sport he was doing that day, "do you mind getting some from your room?" Younghoon asked, pout ever so present on his face when Changmin looked back at him.

  
"Yes, of course." The squirrel-like boy said, standing upright before heading over to Younghoon's bed, grabbing the older's phone and handing it to him. "Call me if something happens, I'll be back in no less than five minutes, okay?" He continued as if he was the older one of the two, as if he was the one who logically was suppose to take care of the other.

  
It warmed Younghoon's heart but also pained him. He was sure that Changmin was only acting this way out of guilt, not out of love, as Younghoon so desperately wished he was.

  
"Yes, I will, don't worry." The older lied again, well aware of what he was planning on doing once the other left the room.

  
It wasn't _what_ he wanted to do but Younghoon knew it'd be the best thing to do, as he thought the inevitable conversation that was bound to happen would be too disheartening to deal with.

  
So, with that being said, once the younger of the two bolted out of the room, leaving the door open in his wake, pitter-patter of his feet sounding down the hall, Younghoon did his best to stand upright on his one good foot and with the help of his bed made way to the door of his room only to close and lock it.

  
"I'm sorry." Younghoon muttered, forehead meeting the cool door's surface before pushing himself off it, making way back to his bed, just wanting to lay down and forget the day ever happened.

  
In Younghoon's mind, everything was ruined. There was no going back to the way things were before the kiss. He had ruined it. Well, Juyeon helped, but still. Overall, Younghoon had ultimately ruined everything all cause he couldn't keep his gay self at bay and just deal with the fact that he had a crush that probably-most-likely didn't like him back.

  
Part of Younghoon wanted to believe that the younger _did_ like him back, that he _wanted_ to kiss and help him, not that he felt like he _had_ to. But the idea of that being true, after years and years of repressing the thought that the other could indeed like him back, was just a fairy-tale to Younghoon.

  
But fairy-tales got happy endings, and Younghoon was sure he wouldn't be graced with one of his very own.

  
~

  
He wasn't sure how long had passed, probably not more than he had told Younghoon he would take but every minute, every second he was gone, Changmin couldn't help but worry over what might be happening to the older.

  
_What if he had tried to go to the bathroom, fell, and hit his head again?_

  
_What if he had fallen asleep and was currently slipping into a coma?_

  
Any and every possible thing that could go wrong flashed through Changmin's mind as he practically tore apart his room looking for the pain medication he knew he had.

  
"Where the hell is it?!" He shouted to himself, opening and closing a drawer he knew he had opened five times already before.

  
Turning around he noticed a bag on Jacob's nightstand, tied up with a note attached to it.

 

  
_**' Dear Changmin,**_  
_**Sangyeon needed pain meds so I hope you don't mind that I borrowed yours. I bought you new ones as you were almost out anyway. Please wish Sangyeon a quick recover as the adult baby is acting like he's broken his arm when he's just sprained his wrist.**_  
  
_**Love, Jacob '**_

 

  
  
"Great." Changmin replied, practically snatching the bag off of the stand after reading the note before hauling out of his room, making sure to slam the door behind him.

  
As he bolted across campus for the umpteenth time that day, Changmin wondered if people thought that something was wrong, like a fire, or a medical emergency. If that were the case, they really didn't seem alarmed by it, but honestly, if he saw someone running across campus he probably wouldn't think twice about it either.

  
Once getting to the dorm building Changmin slowed his pace, coming to a fast walk as he maneuvered his way down the call, en route to Younghoon's room.

  
Upon getting to it, however, Changmin was shocked to find door closed, as he knew he had left it open.

  
Knocking on it, he called out to Younghoon.

  
"Younghoon?" He spoke, lightly tapping on the door, trying to calm the nerves that were very present in his tone as he spoke, not wanting anyone else to get worried unless they absolutely had to. "Younghoon-ie?" Changmin called out again, still not getting an answer before pulling out his phone, quickly dialing the other's number.

  
_Ring._

  
_Ring._

  
_Ring_.

  
He waited ever so patiently, hearing the other's phone ring from the side of the door before the tone immediately stopped. Groaning, Changmin tried again.

  
_Ring._

  
_Ring._

  
The tone sounded, again before coming to a stop.

  
And once more, Changmin tried again, this time, only to immediately get sent to voicemail, signalling the other had turned his phone off.

  
Confused.

  
Changmin was ultimately and completely _confused_.

  
Had he took too long? Was Younghoon upset with him for how long he took to come back? It couldn't have been that much longer than he had promised, plus, the other didn't bother reaching out asking him where or what he was doing.

  
Knocking on the door once more, this time more sternly, Changmin called out again.

  
"Younghoon? Please answer the door, or your phone, either or. Please. I want to know you're okay." He voice sounded out, loud enough that he knew Younghoon could hear it. "Please, I'm sorry I took too long, I couldn't find them, but I did now, please, open-" He continued before the other's voice rang out in reply.

  
"Go away, Changmin. I'm fine." The older spoke, emotion present in his tone, but Changmin couldn't exactly figure out what emotion, or emotions it was.

  
"Younghoon, please, I need to make sure you're okay, and we need to talk about...well....you know." Changmin answered back, hating how his voice cracked when he brought up the other thing they needed to talk about. "Just please open the door." He said, this time jiggling the door knob to prove he was serious.

  
"I don't want to talk about _that_." Younghoon snapped in reply, causing Changmin to wince a little as if the words could physically hurt him. "Just please, Changmin, go away." He asked again, the emotion in his voice more present than before.

  
Changmin finally realized it was sadness.

  
Why was the other sad? There was nothing wrong between the two, was there? Yeah he got injured, but Changmin was going to make it better any way he could think of, didn't Younghoon know that?

  
Sighing, the younger slunk against the wall next to the door, sliding down until his bottom his the ground.

  
Something was definitely wrong and his mind either was running too fast for him to process it, or something just wasn't adding up.

  
Juyeon had said that Younghoon _liked_ him. As in _like_ liked, right?

  
That's how it came across to Changmin, anyway.

  
Maybe he missed something as the whole kissing-his-crush thing fogged his mind, maybe there was some part of the conversation he missed.

  
All he knew was that he was kissing Younghoon, Juyeon interrupted, Younghoon freaked out, and ran.

  
Why?

  
There was so many questions to be answer, so many questions that Changmin deserved to know the answers to.

  
"I'm not going anywhere until we talk, Younghoon." Changmin called out, voice cracking again as now his emotions were beginning to get the better of him. "I mean it, I just want to talk, please open the door." He continue, voice getting shaky.

  
No reply.

  
Nothing at all.

  
Just the sound of some shuffling prior to the light that was shining from under the door to disappear.

  
So Changmin sat there, knees to his chest and head buried between them, doing his best not to let his emotions break free and begin to cry.

  
How could a perfect day go so sour so fast?

  
He was just kissing his heart's current and only obsession not even an hour ago, and yet here he was, locked outside of said obsession's room, huddled on the floor nearly in tears.

  
Changmin thought he was finally on the path of his happy ending, or at least the start of it, but everything was turning into a cold and bitter tragedy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed this chapter !!! as always kudos and comments are greatly appreciated and thank you for reading this fic !! this chapter was a long one huh !!! 
> 
> for those of you who don't know; I've started another chaptered fic called "Jaemin's World (One More Day)" it's a nomin fic, as in Jeno/Jaemin from nct dream, if you like this fic then maybe go check it out? only if you want to of course !!
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading to the end of this chapter, i hope you enjoyed <3<3


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